Ed Team

Is anyone still married in Massachusetts?

Filed By Ed Team | May 20, 2005 10:41 PM | comments

Filed in: Marriage Equality, Politics

This week marks the first anniversary of full gay marriage rights in Massachusetts. Now, the defenders of all-that-is-good-and-righteous warned us that allowing gays to marry would destroy the venerable institution of marriage. Although, they say, marriage was created by God Himself exactly as it is practiced today in Iowa and has existed as such down the hoary centuries, the moment two Nancys or two Marys (or two lesbians) were legally pronounced "husband and husband" or "wife and wife", the foundation would crumble and those two homosexuals would destroy what God Himself had created. (What power we have!!)

So, I ask again....is anyone (straight) still married in Massachusetts??? All those boy-on-boy and girl-on-girl wedding cakes and homosexual nuptial kisses that make Fred Phelps vomit and unimaginably vile fornication-laden so-called honeymoons....is it POSSIBLE that any "traditional" marriages in that great Commonwealth could have survived twelve months of this vicious assault???? Surely the destruction wrought upon Marriage-the-way-God-created-it in Massachusetts must now be spreading to liberal Vermont and conservative New Hampshire and that wannabe-Gomorrah Connecticut.

Straight married couples all over the East are waking up, looking at each other, and realizing that if Homos can marry, it is NOT worth it to have to smell THAT breath in the morning just to be married.

So what is happening to these heretofore healthy, happy, blissful marriages that Mr. & Mr. Smith next door have ruined? The only two things that can end a marriage are death and divorce (oh, there's this other thing called annulment, but the Pope declares those marriages never really happened, so the Church is NOT, I say is NOT responsible). Now, I don't think the defenders-of-God's-way-to-the-alter are saying same-sex marriage is going to kill all straight married people. So, the only other way for those marriages to be destroyed is......D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Divorce...that's how we Homos are going to destroy traditional marriage!!! I mean, if we are allowed to marry, the divorce rate might climb to...let's say....30%! OMG, maybe 40%!!!!! If enough of us are willing to declare life-long commitment and build families and lead quiet, productive lives....well.....I shudder to think this, but.....the divorce rate might hit.....50%!!!!!!

You know....I've rethought this whole matter. I've never destroyed a marriage. Unlike, say, Eric Miller, I've never been divorced. I don't want my selfish desire to enjoy equal rights under the law to destroy what the straight people have done such a marvelous job preserving. All those poor divorced people in Massachusetts in the past year, and it's all Linda and Suzanna's fault! I just can't be held responsible for that. We should be ashamed for even thinking about it!

Eric, if I have anything to do with it, your second marriage will always be safe. And if necessary, your third and fourth, too. I'll be right here, single, unmarried, unequal, and damned proud to defend what no man can put asunder (unless that man is gay and married).

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AUTHOR: Bil Browning

DATE: 5/20/2005 11:43:45 PM

Tracy, Have you checked out Advance Indiana? It's a smart local lawyer who's blog is based on taking down Eric Miller and his religious extremist organization.

AUTHOR: Tracy Elliott

DATE: 5/20/2005 11:46:00 PM

I just discovered it!!! Does anyone know him?