Michele O'Mara


Filed By Michele O'Mara | March 11, 2006 2:34 PM | comments

Filed in: Living


So my question is about relationships ending and moving on. I am about to go spend four days with an ex-boyfriend (who I thought was my life partner). He is a transguy who I am very much still in love with but know that we probably won't end up together. My question is - Is it possible to get over someone while still being in contact with them and sleeping with them?

Dear Bruce,

Thank you for the warm welcome (along with the others!) and for your suggestion about emailing me versus posting questions. I'll heed your advice! Thank you too for bravely posting the first question! Speaking of which...

When it comes to ex-sex the key to your sexcess depends on your intentions. As uncomfortable as it can be to take responsibility for our own actions, everything we do in this life stems from a conscious or unconscious intention. Every step we take is either in honor of what is good and true for us, or it is not.

Deciding whether or not to spend four days with your ex, and whether or not to indulge your sexual desires will be best determined by your intentions, as well as your ex's intentions. When it comes to sex it is best if the intentions of both partners are the same. When a break-up occurs generally one or both of you have decided it is in your best interest. If the break-up was desired more by one partner than the other then having intentional and consensual ex-sex can become painfully complicated, extending the relationship grieving process.

It's been my experience that couples who engage in ex-sex are either conscioulsy or unconsciously trying to work out unresolved feelings about the break-up. My suggestion to you is that you work to be 100% conscious of your intentions so that you are better prepared for the consequences of whatever choice you make. Revisit your reasons for breaking up in the first place. Examine what your intention was so that you can be clear about whether or not you are doing what you say, and saying what you do. I don't believe there is a pain greater than self-betrayal, so my final thought is this: whatever you decide, be true to yourself.

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Bruce Parker | March 11, 2006 3:13 PM


I LOVE YOU and really glad your on here.... Thanks,