Michele O'Mara

Just Ask

Filed By Michele O'Mara | March 10, 2006 12:16 PM | comments

Filed in: Living

Seek first to understand, then to be understood. For whatever reason, that is what came to mind when I asked myself, "how I should use this blog space?" I figure if you have found your way to my blog it is either by accident or it is because you know that I'm a gay and lesbian couples therapist and you hope I have something useful to say about the topic. In either case, I'm glad you're reading.

My goal, though, isn't to talk about me and what interests me - my hope is to find out about you. I'm going to test the waters here and offer up my space as a Gay and Lesbian Relationship Questions and Answers forum. You ask, I'll answer.

There is no one I know who is without questions about love and relationships. I think the day we cease to be curious about ourselves and about others is the day life stops having meaning. I hope you'll take my invitation to ask a question - any question - about love and relationships. I'm confident that whatever you ask is a question that someone else has too. After a decade of counseling couples I can assure you that whatever it is you are struggling with, you are not the only one.

Scroll below to the "comments" section and ask me your question. Use an alias if you wish - just ask.

Michele O'Mara | LCSW
728 Questions for Gay and Heterosexual Couples

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Bruce Parker | March 10, 2006 9:29 PM


Welcome welcome welcome... I am wondering if it would be wise to set up a bilerico email address and choose one email ever so often to answer. I love the framing for your post. Thats awesome...

So my question is about relationships ending and moving on. I am about to go spend four days with an ex-boyfriend (who I thought was my life partner). He is a transguy who I am very much still in love with but know that we probably won't end up together. My question is - Is it possible to get over someone while still being in contact with them and sleeping with them?



Marla Randolph Stevens | March 11, 2006 8:32 AM

This is by way of welcoming Michelle. Nothing like a lot of blog traffic to get a new contributor off to a good start!

Bruce: I've always thought that the Rita Mae Brown quote, "An army of lovers cannot fail" ought really to be known as what we really are, an army of ex-lovers. We have a community that, unlike the het one, recognizes the value in the continuity of many of our old relationships, however changed -- both to the individuals involved and the community as a whole. We loved each other for a reason. It might take a bit of a breather to remember that in a healthy changed way of supportive, caring exes, but it can be worth it. I know I treasure mine. I wish you both the best in learning to be old shoe, know-each-other-better-than-your-own-mother-does, "just" friends.

Kris Kates | March 11, 2006 9:27 AM

I bought your book for my girlfriend after meeting you in my LGBT Clinical Practice class at IUPUI (w/ Dr. Marshall). We have really enjoyed the book. Everyday we pick a number and answer it. It's been a great way for us to get to know each other better and open the lines of communication. Thanks!

Welcome Michele! As the mother of a gay son, I know I have questions to ask you. It will be good to get your perspective on gay relationships, especially since it's a sensitive area when dealing with your children (whether they're straight or gay)! I'm looking forward to reading your posts!