If you long to be an expert golf player you will not want to golf with me. Most athletes would agree that in order to improve your game you must play with teams and competitors more skilled than you are. Relationships are sort of like that too. In the loosely quoted words of Mathew Kelly, author of The 7 Levels of Intimacy, we rise or fall to the level of those around whom we surround ourselves.
Our relationships develop in a context over which we have tremendous influence. Who do you spend time with? How do they value or treat your relationship? How do they approach their own relationships? What is their understanding of your commitment to your relationship and how do they support or sabotage it?
Our relationship will grow or atrophy according to the environment in which we require it to exist. Is your relationship visible? Do people know it exists? Are those people supportive of your relationship? Do you protect your relationship from forces that don't support it? How? Are you choosing your relationship above other people, places and things?
This week I encourage you to discuss these questions with your partner:
1. Who do you spend your time with?
2. How do these people treat or value your relationship?
3. How do these people treat or value their own relationship?
4. What is their understanding of your commitment to your relationship and how do they support or sabotage it?
5. Is your relationship visible?
6. Who, if anyone, holds you accountable to a successful relationship?
7. Do you protect your relationship from forces that don't support it?
8. Are you choosing your relationship above other people, places and things?
9. What can you do today to create a better enviornment for your realationship to grow?
10. Who is your greatest relationship supporter?
Hopefully these questions will trigger discussion that leads to a more conscious examination of how well you surround yourselves and consequently your relationship. Find supporters and those who hold you accountable to one another and your love.
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Ask Me! 728 Questions for Gay and Heterosexual Couples!
Read it, you'll love it! Well, sometimes you might hate it. Regardless, it's good (and fun) for you.
Ask Me! is a book of fun, serious, quirky, and down right direct questions designed for all couples who are interested in deepening your connection, experiencing meaningful discussions, learning more about one another, and having fun!
Strengthen Your Relationship June 24-25
Join Other Healthy-oriented Couples for The Weekend! The next Gay and Lesbian Couples Weekend is going to be held on June 24-25. Currently I have two seats left for this so let me know asap if you are interested in joining us. For more information go here.
Workshops To Go I have expanded my workshop offerings to include mini-educational experiences that I am providing to organizations, clubs, churches, groups, as well as to private gatherings througout the United States. To learn more about bringing me to your organization visit my Healthy Gay and Lesbian Relationships website at: OUTstandingcouples.com.
In July I will be joining the Annual Kinship Gathering in Orlando, Florida and in October I am headed to Norfolk, Virginia to be with the folks at New Life MCC. I also hope to stop in at Lambda Rising Bookstore while I'm in town for a short talk and book signing. And I plan to be in Minneapolis, Minnesotta in November this year. If you have friends in these cities, I hope you'll send them to my workshops! Contact me for information about how to bring me to your city or organization.