Alex Blaze

Qomics for Queers watches the fine line between "soap opera" and "fisting porn"

Filed By Alex Blaze | April 29, 2007 12:56 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Marriage Equality
Tags: Beetle Bailey, Dennis the Menace, Funky Winkerbean, Gil Thorp, Judge Parker, Qomics for Queers, Rhymes with Orange, The Family Circus

beetle panel qfq.JPGI don't know about you all, but I can't get through the day without a shot of Beetle's crotch. Right there, center stage. Yep.

Here's my weekly post on the queerness in the daily comics, where I do a little fancy reinterpretation to catch all the queer references. I'm also doing other comics stuff that's going quite well at my other blog haunt.

After the jump, there's Rhymes with Orange, Judge Parker, Funky Winkerbean, Blondie, Gil Thorp, Family Circus, and Dennis the Menace.

Let's start out with an actually gay one, Friday's Rhymes with Orange:

Rhymes_with_Orange qfq.gif

No jibe here. The point of this post is to keep up with queer representation in the comics, and this is pretty cute. Par for course for RwO, because it's a pretty good comic.

But now onto some serious gayness in Wednesday's Judge Parker:

Judge_Parker qfq.gif

Here's what I said right after I read it:
They're going to have sex in Judge Parker!!!!! This is more obvious than a porno! I can't fully process the gayness about to happen in Judge Parker! IT'S JUST TOO MUCH!!!

Seriously, could panel three be any gayer? I had suspected Cedric for a little while considering his diva-love for that one old rich lady whose name I can't remember, but this JP has to be the gayest strip since the famous Beetle Bailey shower scene. Tomorrow's strip will probably be Cedric getting lubed up, and after a Saturday fingering-capade, we're going to get a full-on Sunday orgy.

Now start the orgy... et rapidement!

Yeah, well, it turned out I was wrong. Here's Thursday's:
Judge_Parker2 qfq.gif

Yes, as the Parisians in JP would say, je suis rather disappointed.

Not completely, though. These punks are about as naked as the funny pages will allow, and they're rather cut. And Cedric's cryptic comment... I feel like we got the end of a porno Thursday and the beginning Wednesday. All the fun stuff being cut out, though, doesn't mean we can't fill it in ourselves.

I still think this is a testament to the fact that JP and Rex Morgan, M.D. are in competition for sexiest soap comic. I still think that June's ample breasts are beating the half-naked Parisians for nothing orther than frequency of occurrence.

And Wednesday and Thursday's Funky Winkerbean:


Funky_Winkerbean2 qfq.gif

You can almost hear Batiuk saying: "We interrupt the 'Jennifer Darling chides Darin Fairgood into finding out that Lisa Moore is his biological mother' storyline to bring you a sensitive and educational subplot about teen sex."

I like the look of horror on Darin's face in panel three of Wednesday's strip and the fact that Jennifer phrases her question as though she's tried to get some out of him before and he just won't put out.

True story: I had a gay male friend in college who had dated a girl in high school for two years without going further than first base. One day they decided to go heterosexually all the way. They made out a bit, he felt her vagina and went to the bathroom to throw up and cry. They're still friends. If that's the way this plotline is going for Funky Winkerbean, I'm all ears.

Especially since we do have a vomiting reference here. While that's all good and funny and a great story to tell his friends later on, Darin should just say, "And I'd rather have some TUBE STEAK to go with those fries!"

Tuesday's Blondie:

Blondie qfq.gif

Shit, if I were a postal worker I'd be giving every man on my route a foot-job.

....did I just say that out loud?

I don't really understand what went on in Friday's Gil Thorp:

Gil_Thorp_994_g qfq.gif

Hmmm, I wonder what big hands would be perfect for.

Saturday's Family Circus:
Family_Circus pray qfq.gif

First, no, Jeff Keane, this is not a joke. I don't know what the technical requirements are to be a joke, but this definitely doesn't count. D-

Second, I always assumed the Keanes were Protestant. Hm. You learn something new every day.

Third, now that I got those first two out of the way, what this really reminds me of is the Christian homodevotionalism described in Mark Jordan's Silence of Sodom:

The most important theological facts about Catholicism and homosexuality are not the bureaucratic words that Catholic authorities speak. The truly significant facts concern the homosexuality of the Catholic Church itself - of members of its priesthood and its clerical culture, of its rituals and spiritual traditions.
He goes on to describe how the camp, the outlet for sexual repression in devotion to Christ, and the homosex living conditions of the priesthood attract a whole lot of gays into the priesthood.

Eve Sedgwick in The Epistemology of the Closet says this of gay boys and their relationship to the Church:

Catholicism in particular is famous for giving countless gay and proto-gay children the shock of possibility of adults who don't marry, of men in dresses, of passionate theatre, of introspecive investment of lives filled with what could, ideally without diminution, be called the work of fetish.
So here we have a boy, who by all indications is gay, on one knee talking to Jesus. He's taking a culturally ubiquitous symbol of marriage proposal and is now applying it to Jesus. Robert Goss in Queering Christ says:
Theological traditions originating in the Deutero-Pauline letter to the Ephesians identify the church as the "bride of Christ." [...] For centuries, Catholic priests have been encouraged and formed to seek an erotic comsummation as brides of Christ, as in the Song of Songs: "Let him kiss me with kisses of his mouth" (Song of Songs 1:1). Priests in training were formed spiritually and encouraged to see themselves as "brides," to be penetrated and kissed by the bride-groom.
And as Jeffy attempts to marry Christ in the way he's seen other men attempt to marry, which I guess is cute and might be considered a nice little joke here, Dolly has walked in on him. Look how shocked Jeffy is. Poor kid! He's been caught and Dolly doesn't even let him get off his one knee before she's goes to tell on him!

Scarred for life, this Jeffy.

And, finally, Tuesday's Dennis the Menace:
Dennis_The_Menace qfq.gif

Man, oh, man. This panel just begs the question: What's taking Alice so long in the bath that her son has to go find another one, one that's currently ocupado? Unless Dennis has a 24/7 need to play with his toyboat, which I wouldn't believe since I don't remember seeing him play with it even once before, he could just wait what would be at most half an hour before she got out. Isn't there something good on TV, Dennis?

What's happened here is a larger abdication of parenting responsibilities than Ketcham let's on. I don't know too many kids at age 5 who have free run of the neighborhood without even a parent knowing about it. So something's taking Alice's mind completely off Dennis.

Now while putting throwing in some salts and putting on some Kenny G is pretty relaxing in the bath, we know this isn't the case. The bath-water would get cold before even Dennis's attention span would cause him to flee his house and go off to the old man next door's bath, which for some reason is unlocked. There's really only one thing that can take that long in a bath, especially for a woman.... She has one child, a boring husband, and not much else on her plate. Who can really blame her for escaping a little with some erotic fantasy (let's say, for the purposes of this blog, that it's lesbian erotic fantasy)? With all the images of hot, hot lesbian action floating in her mind, she lost track of the time and gave Dennis a dismissive am-scray. And more power to the stay-at-home mother of a perpetually pre-school-age boy.

And really, I can't see anything else that's gay in this comic.

Bored? Check out the Qomics for Queers blog and archives.

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