Marla R. Stevens

Lesbians Claim Credit For Falwell Demise

Filed By Marla R. Stevens | May 15, 2007 1:56 PM | comments

Filed in: Action Alerts, Fundie Watch, The Movement, The Movement
Tags: Jerry Falwell

For Immediate Release

Lesbians Claim Credit For Falwell Demise

The Lesbian Death Angels, concerned that Rev. Falwell's followers will misattribute the cause of their leader's demise to their antigod or to some weenie group like Soulforce, have announced that, in a mass worldwide action, they hexed at 10:30 am today and that the subject of their hex was the Rev. Jerry Falwell. In other words, they are claiming to be responsible for Jerry's death and wish the world to know that they are proud of it to boot.

"Falwell earned being hexed well into his next life with his post-9/11 comments on that event's cause made in a conversation with fellow telehatemonger Pat Robertson on Robertson's 700 Club broadcast", noted collective member Connie L. Ingus. "Too often when tyrants die -- particularly spiritual ones -- their past is glossed over into sweetness and light that doesn't begin to resemble the truth of what they did. Frankly, a heart attack hex was too nice. We should've added an addendum to make him come back as an innocent Muslim imam who gets ratted out by a rival faction and ends up in the U.S. rendition program, never to see the light of day again -- either that or as an out gay youth in Iran."

The LDA is the international body of pro-choice radical lesbians who meet in secret and not-so-secret cells, covens, and as individual practitioners each Tuesday morning to try to set the world back on its axis one hex at a time. Previous targets have included rapists who found themselves strangely compelled to walk into police stations and turn themselves in and others. This is one of the few successful hexes they have publicly taken credit for.

"Proselytizing is usually so rude", said Ms. Ingus. "Under normal circumstances, we're content just with the effects of our work. Lesbians who are meant to find us simply will. The Goddess is powerful enough to get that job done without our help."

The LDA feels no compunctions about the pain this announcement might cause the Reverend's family, as the Falwells have benefited from and participated in their patriarch's long campaign of hate without so much as a public hint of guilt for all the pain and death they have contributed to.

The LDA is still contemplating their next target for early karmic justice. The list of potentials is long. They wish to thank the Goddess for her swift response today.


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Phyllis Stevens | May 15, 2007 4:58 PM

Oh that is fantastic. Yes lets list others but lets not wait until their 73--way too long for them to be upon the earth--lets get it done sooner.

Jen Jorczak | May 15, 2007 5:05 PM

KICK ASS. Where do I sign up?

Marla R. Stevens | May 15, 2007 7:02 PM

Let us not forget that last week Jerry reinstated his previously withdrawn slimy comments about 9/11. Is this an indication that the Goddess does or does not have a sense of humor?

Anonymous | May 16, 2007 7:56 AM

Intersting post, Marla. I know it's tongue-in-cheek, and I appreciate satire.

Still, it's one part funny, one part scary, one part disrespectful.

It would've been a lot more funny, and less of the latter two, if you'd waited a day.

But it is food for thought. Thanks.

Marla R. Stevens | May 16, 2007 12:17 PM

Anonymous --

What so the wingnuts could have a chance to invent that we were disrespectful?

I am disrespectful. It is well-earned. Get over it.

Marla R. Stevens | May 16, 2007 2:32 PM

From Joe.My.God.:
"There is a huge difference in context between 1) someone making a catty remark on a blog and 2) creating a giant, multi-million dollar ministry/industry based on hating black people, women and gay people and sucking money out of poor folks who are just trying to make good with God.
"I made a joke... Falwell made a career out of destroying the lives of innocent people."