Don Sherfick

What's for breakfast...and who's coming?

Filed By Don Sherfick | May 28, 2007 7:30 AM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Entertainment
Tags: Albert Einstein, browning, Chris Matthews, Fred Phelps, Tammy Faye

I've noticed of late that on this site Bil Browning has been having Coffee and Toast with an increasing number of people, from Chris Matthews to Tammy Faye Messner to Albert Einstein, and even the Westboro Baptist Church. Now I have to admit that breaking bread with Fred Phelps' Topeka congregation isn't my cup of tea, let alone coffee. Those folks just don't seem the type to have a leisurely early morning chat with at the local Bob Evans. They probably don't tip very well, either. Something about Leviticus. (See also

Anyway, I've decided that if Bil Browning can do it, so can I. So from time to time I'm going to have Decaf and English Muffin with folks I find interesting and with whom I would have Coffee and Toast except that Bil gets livid over plagiarism.

I haven't yet quite decided who should be first on my list. I had thought about some of the lesser-ranked Presidential candidates in both parties, but I'm not sure if Dennis Kucinich likes English Muffins. Or if Mitt Romney likes Decaf. Come to think of it, I'm not really even sure that Dennis Kucinich likes Mitt Romney, or conversely. Better leave that one alone until the New Hampshire primary.......I think they've moved it up to Labor Day.

You know, the more I think about it, I may be getting in over my head here. How do I find out about the jam, jelly, and/or preserve preferences of my would-be-guests? Maybe I should just stick to butter.....or is it margarine? Maybe just dry is the safest way to go, but that seems a bit stingy, don't you think? Browning must have the same problem with what to put on his toast......maybe he'll post a comment. And speaking of "browning", how long should I leave the muffin in the toaster? This is getting really complicated.

Hmmm.....I wonder if Rudy Giuliani likes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Maybe with orange juice? Let me get back with you on that one.

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A. J. Lopp | May 28, 2007 12:55 PM
... Maybe just dry is the safest way to go, but that seems a bit stingy, don't you think? Browning must have the same problem ...

Wow, Don, I'm sure that Bil just loved for you to word things quite that way.

I'll have to remember to quote you sometime ... totally out of context, of course! ... *wink*

Ah, that Don. He knows how to stir my heart, doesn't he? *grins* But yes, Don, not even offering up lube would be considered "stingy." I mean, at least break out shoe polish or shampoo. Oh wait. I got sidetracked by Alan...

Don, you can do as many Coffee & Toast posts as you'd like. We set them for sometime in the six o'clock hour and usually have them set to post a couple days in advance. Lots of them come in from readers too. By all means, post as many of them as you'd like.

As for me, I usually just have the coffee for breakfast. I skip the toast. But - and this is blog secret so don't go spreading it around the internets - Alex gave the segment it's name. :) Which brings us to the question... So, Alex, dry or a stick of butter?

And just for clarification, Alex had Coffee & Toast with Fred Phelps & Klan. I refuse to break bread with those people. LOL

A. J. Lopp | May 28, 2007 7:27 PM

Actually, I'm waiting for someone on this blog to start a series to the effect of ... "Tequila and One Final Crack Hit with Charles Manson" ... or something equally appropriate for 5 A.M. Saturday morning (... right before passing out, *not* right after waking up ...)

(I now realize why George Dubya likes Spongebob Squarepants so much ... he's just catching up for all the Saturday morning cartoons he was too wasted to take in during his college years ...)

Which brings us to the question... So, Alex, dry or a stick of butter?

Well, I've already posted on this matter earlier, at least tangentially, and y'all know you gotta go water based or it's going to tear the latex. Shoe polish, Bil? Kinky... never tried it. Shampoo either, now that I think about it. I've lived a rather sheltered life when it comes to sexual lubricants. But good golly, looking at how things are going and how unwilling people are to go for the gold here in the Hoosierland when it's with protection, I probably won't need to think about the answer to that question for a good long while.

Oh wait, wasn't this post about something other than sex???? Yeah I put down the Phelps klan that morning, and I'd totally break bread with them, have coffee, toast, whatever. They're pretty real for right-wingers. Like they haven't let the corporate sponsorship co-opt or water down their message.

See? I can think of at least one good thing to say about everyone.

A. J. Lopp | May 29, 2007 2:41 PM
I mean, at least break out shoe polish or shampoo. Oh wait. I got sidetracked by Alan...
Shoe polish, Bil? Kinky... never tried it.

Oh, guys, you remind me of a terrible limerick I wrote many years ago in California.

One of the bathhouses had a weekly j.o. show, and there was a georgeous black man who sometimes performed named Andre Bolla. I was enthalled, and one night composed this limerick in my mind:

A hot black sex dancer named Bolla
Used shoe polish lube on his hole-a
His fans thought it crass
And quit licking his ass
'Cause they didn't know sh*t from Shinola!

I thought you might be amused ... now that I have lowered the dignity of this blog to an all-time low.

As a New Yorker, Rudy Giuliani probably enjoys a chocalate egg cream and a kaiser roll for breakfast. Take me to Howard Johnson's!!!!