Don Sherfick

Same sex marriage: it's behind everything that's gone wrong!

Filed By Don Sherfick | July 12, 2007 8:15 AM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Marriage Equality, The Movement
Tags: Adam and Steve, David Vitter, federal marriage amendment, property taxes, Rapture, same-sex marriage

Jon Swift has written a delightful tongue-in-cheek piece here about the current revelations that Louisiana Republican Senator David Vitter's name appeared on lists kept by "D.C. Madame" Deborah Jeane Palfrey, and how his acknowledged marital transgressions were really due to, what else, same-sex-marriage. So now we know. Even though Vittner took full responsibility for his actions and has received absolution from his wife, the real culprits were those nasty activist judges on the Massachusetts Supreme Court who started the ball rolling toward Sodom and Gomorrah in allowing Adam and Steve to wed there.

I'll go a big step futher: all of life's other problems now have a quick and ready solution: just pass the Federal Marriage Amendment and all of those other pending state "marriage protection" amendments (like SJR7 in Indiana) and read my lips: no more problems of any kind. Another Hurrican Katrina? Relax. Global Warming? Al Gore can now stop talking about that "Inconvenient Truth" and spend more time with his errant son. Same sex marriage is the source of everything bad in the whole wide world and the universe as we know it.

Closer to home, Hoosiers in an uproar over large increases in Indiana property taxes need not blame either bad assessments or the Indiana General Assembly. The real reason our tax bills have gone sky high is that the sanctity of traditional marriage is under relentless attack.

My power washer stopped working last week and until now I had thought it was because of a dirty air filter. How silly could I be? It's really because of all those guy-guy and gal-gal nuptials being cranked out on the East Coast. Life has now been made simple again. Just throw same-sex marriage into the trash compactor and the Rapture won't be far behind.

But you never know......I still think I'll buy a new air filter for my power washer just in case. I've got a little spare change left after paying my property taxes.

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You mean you didn't spend everything you had on your lavish "gay wedding?" Oh, that's right. You didn't have one. Well, at least it's not your fault...

A. J. Lopp | July 13, 2007 12:06 AM

I think Don is onto something. Same-sex marriage obviously is the reason that the dinosaurs became extinct 65 million years ago.

In the same manner, it is aboundingly self-evident that same-sex marriage is a metaphysical discontinuity in the fabric of the Universe.

Speaking of the Universe, know what caused the Big Bang to explode? You got it! --- Right there inside, when the entire Universe was smaller than the head of a pin, two men tried to get married!

Don't be silly AJ. 65 Million years? Heck no! Everyone knows the gays are responsible for that dratted evolution thing. 6000 years, that sounds about right. :)