Storm Bear

The Three Stages of Republican Corruption

Filed By Storm Bear | July 31, 2007 9:32 AM | comments

Filed in: Politics
Tags: gay cartoons and comics, GOP, humorous blog post, john roberts, politics, public corruption, Republicans, SCOTUS, supreme court, webcomics

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George Bush's War God must have been watching over Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts yesterday when he had a seizure on a lakeside dock. With all that water surrounding Roberts, just imagine the heart-wrenching agony the nation would have went through if God had made Roberts spaz out in the direction of the water... just a few steps more and we would have had a full-fledged drowning. Just a few tiny steps... maybe three tops.

Thankfully that didn't happen. Now he can still be tried for lying to Congress about his health.

That said, it lead me to wonder if there was a pattern to all of this - to the exposure of corruption within the GOP.

First you need to start with The Foaming Of The Mouth - total unhinged rants against liberals, homosexuality, Paganism at the same time praising Bush like he was Allah, including facing Crawford and praying five times a day. We have seen this with most, if not all of the recent GOP scandals. Mark Foley was "a champion for children against online predators" only to be caught trolling for underage teen boys on instant messenger and via email. Ted Haggard was yelling and screaming about the evils of homosexuality while being freaked on meth and snogging male prostitutes.

The next stage is The Outing. Recently, Louisanna Senator Vitter was caught with a slew of hookers from DC to New Orleans and just last night Alaska Senator Ted Stevens (Mister Bridge to Nowhere) had his house ransacked by Federal Agents collecting evidence of tax evasion, bribery and corruption. Stevens was one of the biggest, if not THE biggest, defender of pork in Congressional funding bills and who would have guessed all of those construction projects would have garnered him some payola? And Vitter was one of those "liberals are destroying the family" guys while at the same time he was probably spending his nights in the French Quarter screaming "whose you fucking Daddy now" with a triple nipple butt-plug firmly implanted.

The last stage has to be The Resurrection. After the Republican in question leaves jail, divorce court or rehab, they go into a "time of solitude to contemplate their actions" (never to beg forgiveness) only to appear months later on the talk show circuit exclaiming their persecution was politically motivated, putting forth how no one else goes to jail over these issues or maybe how, technically, no law was broken. From that point, their career may drift toward a hefty book deal, radio show and if it was a particularly sordid scandal, they will end up with a news analyst deal for Fox News to comment on what happens when we catch US Representative Howard Coble, in the Well of the House, blowing a horse.

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This has to be one of your best written pieces, Storm. But I want to quibble with one small thing...

Mark Foley was "a champion for children against online predators" only to be caught chasing down young boys on Instant Messenger.

This isn't true. Foley wasn't a pedophile - which is interest in "young boys" or girls. He is a gay man - which is interest in adults. In each instance, the young men Foley solicited were above the age of consent - and therefore adults according to the law. Not that I'm defending him - he still broke the faith by hitting on the young men - I'm just saying he wasn't a pedophile.

Gay men get labeled as a pedophile often enough to drive me crazy. (Nevermind the fact that heterosexual men are the most prominent group most likely to be a pedophile!) Let's make sure we don't do the same thing the fundies try to do...

Hi ya!

I changed the text to...

Mark Foley was "a champion for children against online predators" only to be caught trolling for underage teen boys on instant messenger and via email.

According to investigative reports, he sent five emails to a 16 year old - these emails were racy enough to warn another Congressman. This is what brought about the first "come to Jesus" meeting with Foley.

Foley's MO seems to have been that he started in on kids when they were under the age of 18 and messages turned explicit immediately upon their 18th birthday.

I agree, there is no evidence he had sex with anyone under age, but I do think he was a pre-season recruiter for the Barely Legal" club. That is why I never said pedophile in the piece.

Here is the source for my info. Lots of linked footnotes here."

I guess my point is this - 16 isn't underage in most states. The age of consent in DC (and Indiana - I don't think it is in Florida) is 16. If they were 16, they were legal - just not in the best, shall we say, taste. Creepy? Yes. Bad judgement? Even more so! But underage? Not so much. Because if they were underage, he'd be a pedophile - someone attracted to underage kids.

Kara Harkins | July 31, 2007 8:43 PM

As someone with epilepsy can I point out that in no way are the remarks about Roberts at all funny to those of us who have had to curtail activities in/around water because of the risk of our having a seizure? Even the word 'spaz' is derogatory.

The disclaimer when posting says you can remove comments that include slurs. I strongly suggest you apply that same policy towards the original posts.

Jami Bantry | August 2, 2007 3:22 AM

I totally agree with Kara Hawkins on the issue of using slurs (including "Foaming of the Mouth" in your editorial.

As another Human Being who has been medicated for over 30 years for grand mal seizure type of epilepsy, I also feel sad and, at the same time, incensed at the insensitity of the wording of your editorial.

Perhaps, when one experinces a grand mal seizure ("spaz out" and "Foaming of the Mouth") dozens of times in their life (as I have, and as many others with such chronic events, which happen much more often in their daily life), perhaps that person's "sensitivity meter" might "kick up a few notches."

When one awakes in the hospital or on the bedroom floor, feeling totally disoriented, to the point of not realizing what had happened; feeling intensely nauseous with with something very similar to a migrane headache for hours after regaining consciousness; not be able to go to work the next day, or continue on with life as usual; having batteries of tests performed to determine the current status of the condition and reassesment of medication; feeling anxious about, "when will it happen again," or will the next one be "status epilepticus" (with no one around)..... then perhaps one may feel some empathy for such a medical condition which is, "generably treatable," but not, as yet, curable, and, most often, is idiopathic...from unknown causes.