Like many gay men who adore straight women and count them among our closest friends, I have been in a quandary for the thirteen years that I have been openly gay. I have always hated the sexist term "Fag Hag" but have used it like any guilty pleasure. So many of us have secretly wished there was a better term. Eight years ago I first heard the term "fairy princess" but that still stereotyped gay men as effete sissies. Then I heard the term "fruit fly" but that made gay men sound like rotting fruit and the woman sound like a disgusting aerial nuisance. Yuck.
In a movement that can think up clever drag names and other plays on gender norms, where are the clever and creative alternatives to "Fag Hag?"
In the past year, my best friend Rachel (I know, I know) heard the term "Flame Dame" and it has stuck with me every since. It is, so far, the most respectful term for a straight woman, used yet. Granted "flame" could mean effeminate or it could just mean "obviously and unapologetically gay." I could spin this until I am dizzy, but until we have a better term Dammit, I am using Flame Dame.
This may seem like a silly discussion, but I believe that the language we use does set a tone and that use of the term "Fag Hag" should be limited if not entirely rejected. Ok, some think it is cute because it rhymes but that is really an immature excuse to keep using a term that is offensive to many people.
I encourage anyone reading this to send me your best and favorite terms for a straight woman who loves to hang out with gay men. I also would love to hear any terms that may exist out there for lesbians who love to hang out with straight men. Hell, this could get fun. Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org or just respond to this blog.
The same debate rages regarding the term "straight-acting" among gay men. They clearly mean masculine or athletic but default to a term that many find problematic. I don't want to sound like the PC police but I do want a fun and light-hearted way of describing naturally occurring phenomena in our community that doesn't degrade the participants.
Sorry this blog entry isn't about politics, current events or celebrities. But I am really interested what our GLBT and allied friends are using around the world instead of "fag hag."