The Denver alternative paper spotted Ted Haggard outer Mike Jones leading, as Daniel Gonzales put it, "absolutely filthy bar trivia." No joke:
He takes the microphone and starts to introduce the guest quizmaster for the evening, only to be flouted by mike problems. "God is mad at us," he jokes.
And then Jones comes up to the mike. "I just want to point out that the story broke November 1," he says. "And I haven't had sex since then, so if any of you boys out there are feeling a little lonely..."
Several people chuckle at Jones's creepy, faux (?) come-on, but three baseball-capped young men sitting at the bar take notable offense. Their body language is rigid, their faces scowling.
I've been around boys enough to know the faux-but-not-really-please-screw-me come on, and that's pretty much what it sounds like. Poor boy, lost his business.
Some of Mike's dirty questions are after the jump.
"When Ted Haggard got fucked by me," Jones begins, adding particular emphasis to the word fucked, "which position did he want to try? A) Doggie style; B) Sit and spin; C) Missionary; or D) Was he passive and let me choose?"
While some players shriek with laughter, others earnestly discuss the question, trying to see if they can't come up with the correct answer. Surrealism be damned, there are valuable points to be earned.
Riding his 15 minutes of fame or really pushing the "trivial" aspect of trivia? You decide:
"What was the favorite underwear of mine that Ted Haggard enjoyed wearing?" Jones continues, unfazed. "A) Stars and stripes thong; B) Jockstrap; C) Cum-stained dirty briefs; or D) Leather with no back door?"[...]
"During a gay massage, what does 'Go deeper' mean?" Jones asks for his third question in a round of eight. "A) Stick more than one finger in the ass; B) Pound harder; C) Dig deeper into the muscle; or D) Swallow the entire cock without gagging. I'm sorry I'm so bashful."
"How about E) Who gives a shit?" [a player] yells.
Anyone know the answers? I think I remember the underwear one, and I'm pretty sure it was A.