Sara Whitman

Bibles, Sex Kits and Goldfish - Oh My!

Filed By Sara Whitman | November 15, 2007 2:25 PM | comments

Filed in: Fundie Watch
Tags: American Family Association, Bible, scandal, sex

When I was a kid and my family traveled, I had a thing about bathrooms. I had to see as many bathrooms as I could. I didn’t really need to go but loved looking at the design, how some had attendants, some were disgusting, some where modern, some were old fashioned, some actually had lounges inside.

My mother swore I was going to write a book someday about bathrooms across America, because when I got back to the table, or back in the car, I would entertain everyone with a lively description of the interior. It fascinated me.

Bible-.gifThe other thing I remember doing was checking to see where the Bible was in the hotel room placed famously by the Gideon’s “an evangelical Christian organization dedicated to distributing copies of the Bible in over 80 languages and more than 180 countries of the world to those who might not otherwise encounter it, most famously in hotel and motel rooms.”

Sometimes it was on the desk, sometimes in the bedside table, sometimes on the bedside table. I never really understood why it was there, but I knew it was always going to be there, somewhere. Next stop was the elevator, if there was one, and to hit every button for every floor. Bible, then elevator. It was what made traveling fun.

Which is why I was alarmed by a recent alert from the American Family Association - a proud and completely fanatical right wing group as enjoyable to read as Ernest Angley was to watch on TV - entitled “Hotels replace Gideon Bibles with 'sex kits'"

The latest fad with some hotels is to replace their Bibles with "intimacy kits." For instance, at New York City's trendy Soho Grand Hotel guests can enjoy a gourmet mini-bar, an iPod, a flat-screen TV and even the company of a complimentary pet goldfish. But no Bible.

Parent company Accor Hotels decided to replace the Gideon Bibles with "intimacy kits." For Accor, providing travelers with sexual paraphernalia is more important than the Bible.

I don’t know about you, but I do mention God from time to time while using one of those intimacy kits. Seems there’s room for the bible, too. If you can’t smoke after sex anymore, why not read a few of your favorite verses? Okay, that’s a little weird but no more weird than having a goldfish in your hotel room. Is it a visual treat or a complimentary hors dourves? Personally, I’m in favor of bibles being put in hotel rooms. Yes, this atheist is pro-bible. Well, pro-bible in hotel rooms. For me it’s a long ago treat to figure out where it is in each room right along with checking out the latest styles in public bathroom accessories. And if they spend their money on that, they won’t have it to spend elsewhere, like putting those bibles in our schools. In fact, maybe they should supply two per room, just in case.

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Brynn Craffey Brynn Craffey | November 15, 2007 4:58 PM

And if they spend their money on that, they won’t have it to spend elsewhere, like putting those bibles in our schools.

Good point! ;-)

Dang never came across a sex kit before must stay at the wrong motels when I travel did find a motel once that also had the Book of Mormon once.

I used to search for the Gideon Bible too. And if it was just the New Testament, I'd feel cheated. LOL I'd forgotten about that!

Of course sex kits promote sex. Because you can't have sex without a sex kit!

Yes, I think those Gideon Bibles are a hoot --- I've had atheist friends who swipe the Gideon volumes, and when they have a pile of said books two or three feet high, they all get together at a home that has a fireplace and have a Bible-burning. So what?

But there is no reason why Christians should hold the monopoly on hotel rooms. I also think there ought to be an American-Muslim organization that puts Qurans in the hotel rooms. And the Mormons, as Cathy mentions above. A full-size scroll of the Jewish Torah might also serve as the black-out curtain on the windows. And the Buddhists should supply a copy of each of their 5,000 or so sacred texts, maybe they could fit under the beds. And the Hindus, too, they have about another 5,000, I am told. And don't forget the Scientologists, they've got that Dianetics book ... but I think it is anti-Scientology to ever give it away free.

In fact, I think every other hotel room ought to be converted into a religions library. That way the price on those $500-a-night rooms at the downtown Crowne Plaza in every major city will need to be upgraded to a $1000-a-night room.

And in addition to the goldfish, there needs to be a koi pond also, to complement the Taoist literature which also should be mandatory. Maybe the bathtub could be made to double as that, koi are very gentle and it might be fun to take a shower while the koi swim around your feet. And maybe add a package of koi food to the sex kit --- that could get kinky.

And Sara, I like checking out bathrooms, too. I always notice the ceramic tile and all the different patterns that bathroom tile layout designers can make up. Some of the faux-Indian terra-cotta designs you find in New Mexico and Arizona tend to be my favorites. Those designs often have religious meanings to the Indians, y'know. What better time is there to meditate on a Hopi diety than while you're taking a dump?

AJ, we should start our own group of bathroom evaluators...

or perhaps it should be more of a group therapy session...

my name is Sara. I am a bathroom-aholic. I can't pass a bathroom with out at least a peek.

Are the Gideon Bibles the King James translation? Revised? New International? Latin Vulgate?

Now that the Department of Homeland Security is requiring all air travelers to obtain advance permission to fly (as if "no fly" lists weren't enough), maybe they could also require that all travelers be fluent in ancient Hebrew, Aramaic, Coptic, Greek and Latin.

As for Taoists...the number of English translations of the Tao Te Ching can be dizzying. And what about the hundreds of Taoist texts which have never been translated?

Seems we'll all have to learn Chinese, also.

Mandarin or Cantonese?