Bil Browning

Would someone please give Rachel Ray a pity f--k?

Filed By Bil Browning | December 11, 2007 12:05 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment
Tags: blushing, lust, men, models, prudes, Rachel Ray, sex, television, underwear

I realize that she's unattractive, talks waaaay too much and has the personality of a Mexican jumping bean, but, damn, someone throw this woman a bone(r).

Video (with half naked male models!) after the jump.

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Let's be real, friends. I'm not usually one for outing folks, especially when their only crime is being incredibly annoying, but Rachel Ray -- she has to be gay. Thoughts? Open thread? ;)

Actually, she (was?) married. I don't remember where I found it (I'd have to go searching for it now) but somewhere there was an article about her and her husband and how kinky he is. Water sports, spitting in his face - oh - and the best part. He loves it when she grinds her foot into his face. Mmmkay then.

I was very surprised to hear that she was married. I always thought she was gay. She must be in denial.

Right, she was married, but he cheated on her and left her (and took a bunch of her money -- no pre-nup, too bad). Not to over indulge in stereotypes here (hey, we're a friendly community, right?) but it's the no pre-nup/lack of financial planning that calls her apparent lesbianism most into question for me :)

Found some sources:

This one also says she's had sex with women, and adds:

There are rumors that her marriage to John Cusimano is not as good as they have claimed. Supposedly he is out on the road a lot and has girlfriends that he has do degrading things to him like spitting on him. Maybe they both are into kinky sex.

Another one (Don't know if this one is true or not though...)

A pair of explicit sex videos starring Rachael Ray, the irrepressible cook Americans love to hate, are spreading on the Internet like a grease fire, much to the dismay of Food Network executives. The videos, which poke ribald fun at two of Ms. Ray's most popular shows, depict the perky, small-breasted cook having loud, raucous sex with a variety of partners and food stuffs.

Her past... (with a really funny photo)

But before Ray was a wholesome symbol to the housewife set, the young lass did a sexy photo shoot for lad mag FHM. In the photo shoot Rachel Ray can be seen seductively sucking on a wooden spoon covered in chocolate as well as a very un-Rachel Ray like pose with her body dunked into a kitchen sink.

More on her husband's affair with a spitter:

Walz alleges that the 39-year-old lawyer and musician shelled out cash for her to spit in his face, rub her bare feet on his face and other gamy rituals.
"Sometimes he'd be naked," she claims. "I always kept my clothes on. "John paid me up to $500 for a session," she claims. "We'd often have sessions at least twice a month ... I virtually supported myself by spitting on him. But there was never any normal sex involved. He once offered to pay me $1,200 to perform a kinky sex act with him, but I refused." She also alleges, "Sometimes John would buy marijuana or cocaine and we'd use it together." According to The Enquirer, even after Cusimano married Ray and after Walz moved to Florida, "she often still gets together for her bizarre sessions with Cusimano, she says."

Rachel Ray is gross and desperate.

She's grosperate!

This post/thread seems... ummm, at least mildly sexist and definitely sex-negative. Seriously, Bil, you don't think anyone reading Bilerico likes to be pissed/spat on?!

And if they do, good for them Nick. That crazy-assed bobblehead can like it too. But it's definitely not the view of her that Food Network is going to love.

I'll definitely say that my post is sex positive, btw. I said she needed laid after seeing how she acted around the hot guys in their underwear...


She's straight, BTW.

My reaction was similar.

Yup, that's all the annoying woman needs - a good f*ck.

Seriously, do you hear yourself?