Michele O'Mara

50 Ways to Keep Your Lover: # 21-22

Filed By Michele O'Mara | February 28, 2008 11:27 AM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: advice column, lesbian, relationship, tips

In my book, Love Tips and Trips for Gay and Lesbian Relationships, I have identified 50 Ways to Keep Your Lover. My post last Friday offered strategies 19-20, this week I am sharing strategies 21-22. Look for more strategies next Friday!

21. Focus on Outcome, Not Ego. In one of my Couple’s Weekend workshops, I had a couple share with me that when they found themselves in battle over something small, one of them would interrupt the argument with the question: “Would you rather be right, or in love?”

There are a million-and-one ways to achieve the same outcome. How you clean the house, for example, might be very different than how your partner cleans the house. Maybe you like to do it all at once. Perhaps your partner takes it a day at a time, bathrooms one day, dusting the next, windows the day after that, etc. until the cycle starts again. Is one way the right way? If you think so, think again.

Whenever two people from entirely different backgrounds, with very different life histories and experiences, partner and hold tightly to THEIR WAY, you can bet there’s going to be a struggle. When the focus remains on the outcome and not our ego, or how we want things to evolve, we are able to achieve far more in life and love.

22. Always Remain on the Same Side of the Court. Never swap teams. OUTstanding couples always remain on the same side of the court. A lifetime partnership with your mate is an agreement to team-up in life, together, to improve your odds at achieving your respective life goals and comfortably living a fulfilling and happy life.

Outstanding couples do what is best for the relationship (the team) regardless of what is “fair” or whose turn it is. If you were playing a game of ping-pong, you would not refuse to return the ball because the last three that crossed the net came to you instead of your teammate, would you? No. You do the next right thing for the relationship with the belief that in the end you will benefit from your investment in your relationship.

Michele O'Mara, LCSW

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