Why do they keep making it difficult for me to watch sports events? Baseball bores me to tears. Basketball gets monotonous. And football? How many hours does it take to play a one hour game?
Swimming, however, has been this gay man's voyeuristic attempt at athleticism. The shaved down, lithe bodies wearing naught but a pair of skivvies that'd make a nudist blush somehow managed to capture my attention.
Now Speedo has come out with a supersonic swimsuit that's breaking world records so easily that the Olympic Committee is up in arms. It smoothes out those encumbering non-aerodynamic bumps like nipples, abs, rear ends and, uh, the nether-regions.
What's left for naturalists like me? Figure skating? That's too damn gay.