Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore

Jerking off ONLY

Filed By Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore | March 30, 2008 12:00 AM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: Craigslist ad, cumshot, HIV negative, HIV/AIDS, jerking off, jugular, open wounds, prejudice, safe sex

Okay, there's this guy on craigslist who posts about how he wants to meet someone to jerk off, jerk off ONLY, ONLY JERKING OFF, so I guess we kind of get the point about what he wants to do but this is my favorite part, tucked at the end of the post like it's just a standard detail: HIV-negative only.

And it is a standard detail, unfortunately. I always find this type of prejudice monstrous, but coupled with a behavior at no risk for transmission of HIV (unless the guy comes into a syringe and the other guy accidentally shoots it into his jugular, I guess, or he aims his come shot for an open wound -- on your marks, get set, go!), I can't help but find it even more preposterous. I guess it still startles me to see the way fear of contagion can warp people's minds in such a dramatic way that they declare it to the world as logic.

Mattilda blogs at

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Admittedly the statement is illogical, but really, when you're on Craigslist working out some kind of fantasy scenario, or having sex at all, or for that matter dating, isn't everyone is entitled to the particulars that work for them? Descriptions that say "GWM seeks same/must be tall/must be (un)cut/must love Liza" etc., ad nauseum, are part of the discriminating process everyone goes through when choosing partners, since ultimately we're looking for a list of traits that we think will please us.

maybe he is looking for a jerk off buddy with whom his relationship might grow to include other activities? and i don't know about prejudice. is it prejudice to want to stay healthy? the guy sounds manic, not prejudicial. i would like to see more ads stating HIV positive only - for people that don't want to spread the virus to others more fortunate. actually, i understand that there are groups that do exactly that...

I'm "Anonymous" above - forgot to sign in! :-)

As much as my reaction matches yours, Mattilda, there is a tiny bit of logic possible. I have a HIV-negative friend who, while having sex with an HIV-positive partner, somehow got droplets of his partner's semen into his eye. (Who knew the guy could shoot his jism six feet? Tsk, tsk, should have had your safety goggles on ...) He then spent the next weeks obsessively doing research on whether HIV can be transmitted this way --- and sure enough, it is possible for transmission to happen via the eye conjunctiva. Luckily, my friend continued to test negative for months thereafter, and apparently didn't get infected. (His partner was taking HIV meds, and his viral count was undetectable. Perhaps that helped.)

As much as we might want to call such attitudes prejudice, it is difficult to criticize people for wanting to protect their health, knowing that "bedroom slip-ups" occur so often. Who knows, maybe the guy running the ad has been "seduced" a few times during his circle-jerk parties, despite his most resolute decision not to "do that".

Haha, actually, I use a discriminatory process as well. When a see a guy with a profile along the lines of what Erik describes in #1 - be well-read, hotter than me, 20 years younger, white, bottom, 32-inch waistline or less, love Italian food and long walks on the beach, straight-acting - I just move right along. They're obviously seeking something that I'm not: sex that closes them off to the world instead of opens them up.

But about the serostatus thing, I just think that it's messed up. Guys lie and lots don't know their status. There are other STD's out there too, not just HIV. People can try to protect themselves all they want, but they have to be willing that even in the best of circumstances there's some risk, and that risk has a lot more to do with their actions, as Mattilda points out, than it does with the other person's stated status.

Why would anyone accept the announcement of HIV status in a Craig's List ad as fact?

It does show an irrational fear of contagion by mentioning HIV- repeatedly in a search for a j/o partner. And it also shows how inept we are (decades later) in learning how to take care of ourselves.

It seems to me that your HIV status isn't my business. Until I know / trust have some kind of ongoing relationship with the person I'm having sex with I must assume that I will expose myself to all sorts of things - STIs, rejection, elation, orgasm, thrill - when I have a sexual encounter.

If you don't want to risk exposure don't post a ad for a sex hook up of any kind.

Want to keep cum out of your eye? Push his dick in the other direction. Have sex and brains at the same time. Revolutionary, eh?

lol patrick

I don't think we've had anyone on this site before ever give advice on how to keep cum out of your eyes. :)

Hilarious -- I've had that same come-in-my-eye type panic, ha! But, hmmm... screening on craigslist doesn't necessarily deal with that problem, especially since -- and I'll agree with Alex and Patrick here -- people lie lie lie lie lie lie LIE oh do they lie I mean lie.

And AJ, I'm all for people protecting their health, I just don't think this type of prejudice accomplishes that at all -- probably it just encourages people to -- yes, lie lie lie lie lie -- MORE, even.

And Erik and jerindc, I'll have to disagree here and say that no, I don't believe people are entitled to prejudices, although I do believe I'm entitled to critique them. Don't get me wrong -- we all have the things we're attracted to and not attracted to, but when people state illogical and depressing preferences as, well, just another tidbit, for the whole world to see (or at least the craigslist world), I do think this furthers (and normalizes) those prejudices.

OK, signed in and will try again.
Jerindc commented that they thought it was fine for HIV positive people to advertise for partners of the same status - and it is, of course. But it is NOT safe for two HIV positive people to have unprotected sex with each other; there are various strains of the virus and a new one may be introduced into the body of a person already affected by HIV in this way and make it a whole lot more complex to treat. Other STI's abound, too, as has been said above and hepatitis or syphilis will damage an already compromised immune system in nasty ways.
I think the "jerk-off only" guy was probably naturally over-cautious rather than prejudiced and couldn't express it any other way. Or maybe he simply prefers jerking off to any other sexual activity and his request for HIV negative buddies is not that relevant? Unless someone gets back to him, we may never know . . .
Best wishes, Felix (UK)

Cum in the eye. Oh, Mattilda. Your posts always lead to cum in the eye. *grins*

Seriously though, I always get a laugh at these type of ads. Jerking off and HIV-? How about my standard of "must have more intelligence than an alpaca?" Oh, wait. Next...

Bil, that's a pretty high standard, considering...