Michele O'Mara

50 Ways to Keep Your Lover: # 31-32

Filed By Michele O'Mara | April 04, 2008 8:00 AM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: advice column, lesbian, relationship, tips

In my book, Love Tips and Trips for Gay and Lesbian Relationships, I have identified 50 Ways to Keep Your Lover. My post last Friday offered strategies 29-30, this week I am sharing strategies 31-32. Look for more strategies next Friday!

31. Communicate a minimum of 30 minutes a day. If communication is difficult for you, focus on three things: 1) What you did during the day; 2) What you thought during the day; 3) What you felt during the day. If you are unable to come up with 15 minutes of sharing (15 minutes for each partner is a total of 30 minutes) then it is likely that you are not tuned into your own thoughts and feelings. You may need to do some journaling or self-examination to help you raise your personal awareness and ability to be conscious of your thoughts and feelings.

32. Tell the Truth. Your relationship is the sum of what both you and your partner deposit in it. If you fill it with lies, your relationship becomes a lie. If you fill it with the truth, at least your understanding of truth, then it is based on your reality.

Occasionally I meet couples where one partner describes himself as "just telling the truth," when it appears what is actually going on is that the partner has taken observations, feelings or thoughts and delivered them in such a way that the "truth" is being used as a hurtful weapon, because of the way it is delivered. Be sure that the delivery of your truth is respectful and kind, rather than blunt and abrasive. How you communicate is also a part of your message--not just the words you speak.

Michele O'Mara, LCSW

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I can't imagine a relationship where each partner didn't talk for at least 15 minutes a day. That's mind boggling.

I just can't think of not being able to talk for 15 minutes in any context. call me a yacker!