Michele O'Mara

50 Ways to Keep Your Lover: # 33-34

Filed By Michele O'Mara | April 11, 2008 9:15 AM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: advice column, lesbian, relationship tips

In my book, Love Tips and Trips for Gay and Lesbian Relationships, I have identified 50 Ways to Keep Your Lover. My post last Friday offered strategies 31-32, this week I am sharing strategies 33-34. Look for more strategies next Friday!

33. Live Your Truth. In order to achieve real intimacy you must be known. To be known, you must be true. OUTstanding couples are willing to reveal themselves, their true selves to one another.

If you present yourself as other than you truly are, then you can expect a relationship that is built on that same fa├žade. You can not build a strong foundation on anything less than what is real and true. If you were to build a house, you could not do so on block-shaped foam that is painted to look exactly like concrete blocks. Eventually the foam blocks will falter under the pressure that is placed on them.

The first responsibility you have to your relationship is to be true to your self. All you have to offer is who you are. If you are not that, then your offerings are empty, meaningless. You must protect your truest self above all else. Without yourself, you have nothing. When you behave in ways that contradict that which you believe in, your values, morals and principles, you will eventually grow discontented, unhappy, and even shame-filled.

The ways in which you must be true to yourself start small and grow from there. A client shared with me that years ago his boyfriend ordered a pizza that he didn't like, but when he was asked, my client said he liked it. Ten years later he's still eating the same pizza he didn't like back then. If he isn't speaking up about pizza, what are the chances of him speaking up about the more important things in life?

"Facing the truth requires that we retain an ongoing openness to the possibility that we may not be seeing ourselves - or others - accurately."

Loehr & Schwartz - The power of Full Engagement

34. Stay Present in Your Own Life. In order to stay in touch with who you are, what you want, and where you want to go with your life you must remain present in your life.

Being Present means accepting the moment.
~ Lunden, Paul & Christensen authors of
Fish! A Remarkable Way to Boost Morale and Improve Results

Staying present requires personal awareness to the people, places, and things that surround us at any given moment. When you are present, you are able to experience the gifts of life. By staying present to each moment in time and the feelings you have about that moment, you are better able to clarify what your next step needs to be.

Michele O'Mara, LCSW

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