Steve Ralls

From the Office of Sally Kern

Filed By Steve Ralls | April 09, 2008 12:09 PM | comments

Filed in: Fundie Watch, Politics
Tags: Oklahoma, PFLAG, Sally Kern

Oklahoma Representative Sally Kern just doesn't seem to learn: news_liar_liar.jpgTape recorders are decidedly not her friend.

It's been just over a week since the midwest's favorite homophobe told her local paper, The Oklahoman, that PFLAG supporters from the state took her "statements and have spun them" to misrepresent her views on anti-gay job discrimination and her vow to at least consider an ongoing dialogue with us. Her comments followed a meeting at the state capitol with Oklahoma City PFLAG president Rev. Loyce Newton-Edwards and two other local supporters.

PFLAG applauded Kern for agreeing to the sit-down... only to be on the receiving end of a mad Sally slap-down. Kern and her supporters went so far as to refer to the three members of the clergy who took part in the meeting as "false prophets" and attacked the credibility of our Oklahoma PFLAG families. And even though we weighed in with our own fact-check of Sally's allegations, she continued to insist that she did not say what she said.

So now it's time to get out the audio player again. Sally Kern, meet yourself on the YouTube.

That's right. Sally's staff consented to having her meeting with PFLAG recorded, and her words speak for themselves.

As the full 40-minute audio recording released this morning by PFLAG proves, Kern said not once (at about 15 minutes and 30 seconds in) that she does not believe GLBT people should be fired from their jobs... but she said it twice (again at about 33:15), confirming her stance when Rev. Kathy McCallie recaps the meeting near its end. And, when asked by Rev. Newton-Edwards if she would consider attending future PFLAG meetings to hear from other families in her district, Kern says - almost joyfully - "maybe."

She even says - when asked if she and her husband will join a PFLAG supporter for dinner - "Sure!"

In fact, if you look at PFLAG's characterization of the meeting last week, and Kern's version of the encounter in the local press, there is no question that Sally flat-out lied to reporters.

But wait! There are even more priceless gems in Sally's bag of tricks.

Among the other topics she addresses in the meeting? Her time as a teacher in Oklahoma's schools (where, one imagines, she must have been chair of the revisionist history department). Kern says she had one student, in particular, who left an impression: A "homosexual student" who was on the girls' golf team (which Kern apparently coached!) and so impressed our future state Representative that she insisted the budding lesbian sign up for AP Government class.

Yes, Sally Kern can now reveal the shocking truth: Lesbians, on occasion, are good at golf. Clear out a deck chair at Dinah Shore, ladies... next year's poster girl is on her way.

Kern also weighs in on "the homosexual agenda," which, she explains, is a lot like a "to-do list." And to-do lists are suddenly all the rage, for sure. According to Kern, everyone has one these days, Jesus and Tim Gill included.

But perhaps Sally's most poignant moment is one that exists only in her head. Midway through the conversation, and clearly an hour or so before her next round of medication is due, Kern waxes philosophical on the awesome power of teachers... to convince our children they're gay.

It is the story of little Jimmy, a theoretical Oklahoma school boy who leaves home one day, presumably heterosexual, and heads off to learn his ABC's. But little Jimmy is unaware that his teacher has an entirely different "to-do list" for the day.

The teacher, Kern explains, lines the children up on the playground and begins to count off: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10... and then, abruptly, declares little Jimmy to be a little bit gay.

Yes, it's all included - in five parts, kind of like the Star Wars saga - in the long awaited Sally Kern sequel. Our lady of the perpetual audio tapes answers all of our burning questions.

Can lesbians be good at government and golf? (Sally, meet Congresswoman Tammy Baldwin.)

Does Tim Gill have a longer to-do list than the holy father?

Are our school children powerless to overcome the fairy-dust spell of their grade school teachers?

And, of course, the biggest question of all: When Sally Kern lied, did little Jimmy cry? Or did he, like our smart PFLAG families, just get out his tape recorder and re-live the experience all over again?

It's all here, direct from the Office of Sally Kern, for your listening enjoyment.

Originally posted at the PFLAG National Blog.

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Way to go, PFLAG! Keep the pressure on Kern.

These politicians get passes way too often for the bigoted words they use...

PFLAG ROCKS! Is there a better org out there?

Leave it to the parents to have proof of misdeeds. LOL

diddlygrl | April 9, 2008 3:03 PM

Sally just goes to prove, you don't have to be smart to be a teacher, or a politician.

Those who can, do, those who can't teach.

OMG! This is just about the funniest post we've ever had on TBP! I heart you, Steve!

Steve Ralls Steve Ralls | April 10, 2008 8:59 AM

Thanks, Serena! We went for a little provocative humor to try both shine a spotlight on how absurd Sally's flip-flopping was . . . and to make sure the story got noticed.

And thank you, Wayne and Bil, for your cheers for PFLAG. Our allies on the ground in Oklahoma City are proving just how powerful a few, dedicated people can be!

This morning, Sally acknowledged to her local paper that, indeed, PFLAG did not misrepresent her views. We have an update on our blog @