Steve Ralls

What Can One Say?

Filed By Steve Ralls | April 21, 2008 8:27 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Gay Icons and History, Media
Tags: Madonna, Poetry, Roseland Ballroom, VH1 four little lines?

It's time to sharpen your pencils (or clean off your keyboard), fellow Bilerico readers! VH1 is offering two tickets to see her Madge-sty in New York, Madonnaon April 30, to the two people who can best sum up her Material essence in a four line poem.

Yes, it's true. Our born-again Queen Esther will make a one-night appearance at the Roseland Ballroom in NYC the day after the candy shop opens. The catch is, you have to define the undefinable in four lines or less. So have at it, readers! Submit your poem here, and then share it with us in the comments, too.

(And if Michael Crawford asks nicely, I might even share mine.)

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Here's my poem:

"It is alleged that because millions participate in it
certain reproduction processes are necessary that inevitably require identical needs in innumerable places to be satisfied with identical goods."
Hey queers:
Madonna beckons us to bow to our corporate overlords!

Steve Ralls Steve Ralls | April 21, 2008 10:49 PM

Sorry, Kevin, but that's more than four lines.

The Material Girl keeps giving us thrills with each passing tick of the clock
The scandals they broadcast coast to coast do make those critics talk
She struck a pose and wrote a book clad in stainless steel
Madonna will be made a saint before the current pope ever will.

no, everything from "certain...goods" goes on one line, with no break.

Don't quit your day jobs, because ya'll are terrible poets.

Materialism glorified
Pose striker
Sexiness exudes from every orrifice
Now she's a mother?

I suck too, so suck on it!

PS. Steve - me so likey that you're keeping us up to date on all the relevant Madonna news. THanks for the public service!

Steve Ralls Steve Ralls | April 22, 2008 9:29 AM

Serena -

Just think of me as MNN - the Madonna News Network.

And so I'll share my submission to the VH1 contest, too:

La Isla Bonita,
my muse calls me across the miles.
I'll bend over baby;
you're gonna make me smile.


OK, OK - a little adult-oriented, but aren't all things Ciccone?

Hahaha, Kevin. I like yours but I don't think it will win.

How about a haiku?

Madonna dances
Creating norms, needs, nothing
While getting wealthy

But it's not four lines!

Madonna is the Material Girl
Every few years we watch her dance and whirl
She sings and it sounds like warm honey
With each album the Material Girl takes my money

Yeah. And I've got more. Don't make me whip 'em out - someone will get hurt.