Editor's Note: Queerview Mirror is a review from two of our editorial team, Serena Freewomyn and Waymon Hudson. If you'd like something reviewed, feel free to pass it on. If they like you, they might look at it, otherwise- suck it.
WAYMON: So this week we are finally reviewing something super gay- American Idol!
SERENA: I think it is an amazing allegory for the current political climate and the obfuscation of American voters by insipid distractions...
S: Actually, I just wanted to gloat that Brooke was gone.
W: That's better. This isn't that kind of post. Geez!
S: Sorry, I had a moment there... All better. So how great was it that Brooke was covered in snot and sobbing when she got kicked off?
W: I know! Now we just have to get rid of that annoying little gay elf, David Archuleta. He is so annoying.
S: Oh totally! And could he ever open his eyes? We know he's not that introspective.
W: Oh, he's just dreaming about Ryan Seacrest.
S: Yeah Daddy! He's hot.
W: Totally. I'd flat iron his hair any day...
S: It all comes back to hair care for you, doesn't it?
W: Don't be a hater. So did you love Paula Abdul's mini meltdown?
S: Completely! What a train wreck! She kept going on about the two songs Dread-boy sang when he only sang once! I mean, what is in that Coca-Cola glass?
W: Jack Daniels and Vicodin would be my guess... She is so trying to be the next gay icon. Former Lakers girl- check, Former 90's singing sensation- check, Eating disorder- check, rumored drug use- check, reality show- check, trying to make a comeback but still screwed up beyond belief- check...
S: Hell! She's halfway to being Mariah Carey!
W: Seriously. And how awful was Neil Diamond night?
S: Oh my god- I wanted to shoot myself. Is it just me or do all of his songs sound the same?
W: Hell if I know. I muted the episode halfway through "Coming to America"...
S: It makes me miss the little gay boy from earlier in the season- Danny Noriega.
W: I loved him!!! Can you imagine him on Dolly Parton night? It would have been a slice of gay heaven! Sigh...