No this isn't about yet another year of making a new year's resolution to drop all those extra holiday pounds (although I have done that again this year). As I was looking back at the past year, I realized I spent a large portion of it angry.
Now I'm sure every person involved in politics and activism has those times, the rough patches, that can threaten to burn them out. Sometimes the defeats pile up so high that you move from one hard fought battle to the next and lose sight of what you are fighting for.
And I have to wonder, by spending so much time deliriously angry, have I let the other side win, even just a little bit...
Now make no make mistake, there has been much to be angry over this past year. Horrendous hate crimes that shook many of us to our core. Having rights stripped away at the ballot box. Listening to our lives, families, and very existence be attacked and degraded. All these things really had a profound impact on my outlook this year.
It was a year that I just put my nose to the grindstone, worked as hard as I could, and tried to take on each new fight with the same vigor as the last. And every battle left me a little more jaded, a little more bitter, and with a little more baggage to carry around.
And it should have. We have every right to be angry.
But I lost sight of the fact that I was fighting to live my life, to love who I choose, and to be safe with my family. I was fighting to live happier, but not savoring the happiness that came along, as brief as those moments were. Looking back, I realize that in the midst of digging my trenches to fend off attacks on my rights, I also had one of the best moments of my life.
I married my husband.
I had a taste of the happiness that I've been fighting for. So while I may still get angry and get lost in the fight at times in the coming year, I hope this is one resolution I can keep: to enjoy the little moments of happiness that we fight for. To not only fight, but to live and live as fully as I can.
And to drop a few extra pounds.