Father Tony

Road notes

Filed By Father Tony | January 04, 2009 4:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: road notes, road trip, Wendy's

To prepare for the DC beltway, study the chariot race scene in Ben Hur.road_trip_2.jpg

The South is different. Between Richmond, Virginia and Jacksonville, Florida, NPR disappears, and the dial is swamped with Jesus. Consumers are fed what they want.

The convenience store women are very fat, funny and call me honey.

In a South Carolina parking lot, I am sitting in my Smartcar, trying to keep the juices from a Wendy's half pounder from dripping onto every other part of me by mashing it onto my mouth, when I look up to see a family stopping close to my windshield to take a photo of my car. I wanted very much to ask them to delete it and to let me run back inside to purchase the salad item. That would be what is expected of a Smartcar owner. It's been several years since I had one of these burgers. Not changed a bit. I'll eat another one in 2019.

The optical sensors on the urinals of the rest stops all along Route 95 are labeled Zurn. Probably a German manufacturer. Could it be that the blinking red dot is doing more than sensing motion? Is it recording? Would the rapid frisson of an expedient jerk-off confuse the dot into a wild flush? I think I might like to be a Zurn, with an endless stream of the traveling men of America unzipping before me. Zurns should come equipped with applause meters.

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haha, that would be funny a urinal that applauds or boos.

Cute and clever :-) (but npr.org shows several stations in the Carolinas and Georgia)

Robert, what you say is true. But what about their coverage area?

I just visited the NPR.org website and after clicking on the "stations" tab, I could look at coverage maps for each of the stations. In my experience, the darkest pink is reliable, the middle pink is possible if the weather is right, and the lightest pink works when pigs fly.

Going with the darkest pink, there are indeed huge coverage gaps along I-95. And that assumes you already know where to tune next (and when) to find one of those elusive public radio signals.

Car radios should have a programmable search to find the nearest signal broadcasting NPR (or Rush Limbaugh, or whatever.)

Robert Ganshorn Robert Ganshorn | January 5, 2009 7:59 AM

Stop before they make you eat grits whether you order them or not!

I think I might like to be a Zurn, with an endless stream of the traveling men of America unzipping before me.

Why am I not surprised? I would be too. LOL

Just for the record, a visit to www.zurn.com will reveal that they are a manufacturer of plumbing fixtures, with a green emphasis. That might give you guys a new appreciation for that exquisite little condition known as "plumber's butt." I've done plumbing work with their fixtures, and they are of good quality. You should be able to own your own at your local plumbing supply house (not Lowes, Menards, or Home Despot)

That stated, Father Tony, you are bold, driving a Smart Fortwo on the open interstate, south of the Mason-Dixon. Getting blown off the road by all the F-250s and Suburban Silverados, not to mention the wannabee truckers who drive like Jerry Reed, is a danger. Driving a Smart ForFour in Ireland a few years ago scared me on the divided carriageways - and I drive a Toyota and ride a Honda CB550K, and raced SCCA when a kid. I hope you're wearing a helmet - that Harley that passed you had a larger engine.

Still, I love the South, the scenery of the Smokies, the way the heavy-set women in the convenience stores and Wendy's all call you 'hun" even if you're trans with 12 hours of beard growth poking through the morning's makeup, the fact that most convenience stores stock both pot smoking paraphernalia AND ammunition, the availability of motels for $35/night along I-75 in southern Georgia........ enjoy and have a safe trip.

Skip Wendy's. On your next roadside stop, try Sonny's BBQ. Much better than fast food, and it's owned by the family of our excellent liberal Kentucky 3rd dist congressman, John Yarmuth. They're everywhere in the South.

Get an XM for your next road trip. NPR's on that everywhere, as is Air America.