Father Tony

When the Rain in Spain Goes Against the Grain

Filed By Father Tony | April 02, 2009 11:30 AM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: gay sex, peeing, pissing on someone, sexual fetishes, taboo

Dear Father Tony:

My new boyfriend wants to piss on me and wants me to piss on him.

That's it.


Not Into It

Dear Not,

A direct question deserves a direct answer, so I'm tempted to say "Get over it", but I guess that would not be helpful.

Let's assume you really like the new boyfriend and that he sprung this on you while you were getting it on, hoping that in the heat of the moment, you'd be willing to try something he likes but suspects you might not like. At least he had he decency to ask.

Many many years ago, a trick (who turned out to be one of my mother's co-workers!) decided to let loose on me. In. My. Bed. I freaked out. I jumped up and said "What the hell are you doing?!" He sheepishly said "I thought you wanted it." After I showed him the door and while I was changing my wine red 400 count Egyptian cotton sheets, I tried to imagine what I might have said or done that made him think I wanted to be pissed upon. I finally concluded that it was what he wanted, and that he was just a cad, taking advantage of a refined and princessular ingénue who was eager to please a taller and more muscular guy who had consumed too much beer and did not know where the bathroom was located. From that day on, the first thing I always said to a trick was "That's the door to the bathroom."

A few years back, I was in the company of a blonde rabbi who had just returned from a DC convention of two thousand piss aficionados. He asked me if I was thirsty. Slow on the draw, I was hoping for a refreshing chardonnay when his real meaning dawned. I politely declined, and he honored my boundaries. (I was not invited back.)

Then there was that time in a tool shed in the backwoods of North Carolina, with strangers watching through the poked out knots in the pine walls. Oy.

Older and wiser now, that particular taboo no longer upsets me. I've been able to oblige several men who have wanted to be on the receiving end of it, without any strong feeling of revulsion.

How did I get to this point? Look at the facts.

  • In some cultures, drinking one's own urine is part of an internal cleansing ritual.
  • Urine is sterile. In a world anxious with justifiable fear of exchanging body fluids such as blood and semen, urine is a safer man's substitute. I believe that this fact is at the root of what seems to be the growing popularity of the "golden shower".
  • Dogs mark their territory with one leg raised. Men are dogs.

I still don't fancy it because it has elements of dominance/submission that do not excite me, and yet, in some ways, it can be a giddy, boyish, playful and harmless experience. And, I really do think it is more popular than most people suppose.

Finally, some taboos can and should be overcome. This may be one of them. In preparing this response, I went to some XXX video sites and did a search for videos that featured golden showers. Some of them were surprisingly hot. One featured a powerful lumberjack of a man standing with his hands on his hips. Slowly, a dark spot appears on the crotch of his jeans and spreads down one thigh. I found it oddly fascinating.

Here is what I suggest. Drink a good amount of water and when you are ready to pass it, take off your clothes and step into the shower. Piss on yourself, and if you can handle it, take it on your face. This ought to help you overcome your disgust. If you find this helpful, you can take it to the next level with your boyfriend. And be sure to use that opportunity to unveil something that you really want him to do.

(I can't believe I just suggested to a total stranger that he should piss on his own face, but I've read it over a few times, and I really think it is something every man should do at least once. It's right up there with tasting one's own semen. Good night, folks. I'm off to take my own medicine.)

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Well Father, this certainly adds a new dimension to the interpretation of Andres Serrano's work.

This is one of those things I have not been fascinated by in the least. I know that piss is sterile, and that it can be recycled in emergency. I view urine much the same as I view eating grubs or insects. I will do it when life necessitates it. I guess I could pee on someone that wants me to do it, but am uncomfortable with the whole 'sub' aspect of it, and I am not that into domination either.

A. J. Lopp | April 2, 2009 3:20 PM

Father Tony, you came close to giving Not Into It the advice I would offer, but you stopped short.

Not Into It might check out with his boyfriend whether doing it in the shower stall is just as good as doing it in a bed. Golden shower queens (presumably) are as individual as snowflakes, so maybe he'll be open to that compromise, maybe he won't. (The housekeeping advantages of this approach are obvious.)

My first encounter of this phenomenon involved my partner asking me to piss in his mouth. After he convinced me he was serious, I tried, but being naturally pee-shy, I just couldn't [let] go with the flow.

I had a leather club brother in Kansas City whose main fetish is watersports. Inevitably on any given night at the bar, I would suddenly feel my jeans and leg getting warm and I would turn and find him pissing on me. As I used to be very squeamish and grossed out by all body fluids, this would incite a loud response from me, though I knew that was exactly what he wanted. Many years later, I often miss that joyful, boyish fun.

That same club brother often taught classes on watersports at the "leather university" events that happened periodically in KC. He would arrive at the bar with a plastic kiddie pool and a case of bottled water. His classes were always packed full of attendees and he always left happy and drenched.

Though I am not an expert, I have heard, through sources such as these classes, that urine, though sterile in a healthy person, can contain medications, drugs, or in the case of someone with bladder or kidney problems, unwelcome organisms. The risk is slight when compared with other fluid exposures, but it is worth mentioning to this broad audience.

I guess I'm lucky for having so much exposure to other fetish and kink information and experience. Gradually, without even trying, my objections to watersports have faded. It's not something I seek out, but when asked, I'm happy to help slake the thirst of a hot friend.

Chitown Kev | April 2, 2009 4:04 PM

Oh, man.

Once I received a golden shower without my consent or even forewarning. I did not like that, to say the least.

Once I gave a golden shower to a really hot guy who did consent. I will admit, I did gat turned on and I was turned on enough by the guy that I would have consented if he had asked.

And yeah, the dom aspect of it really turned me on since phyisically, the guy was taller and more muscular than myself.

Would I do it again? It all depends on the person and the situation. Actually, I would do it again with that one "really hot guy" a few years ago.

Well is right! You not only suggested he pee in his face but you told him to let the new beau have it at him as well. Well. I just don't know about all this. As i was reading your post, i first thought "oh, great minds think alike." Then i found myself having a newfound gratitude for all those lovely guys that are peeshy. I recall attending a seminar where one of the speakers said the urine of pregnant women cured AIDS and i looked around in disbelief that i was the only one considering getting up and leaving. I did not leave, i was with others and i did not want to make a scene. I also feel that we would have heard of many missing pregnant women kidnapped for nine months or so if this was true. Then to top it off the next speaker was David Jubb who went on and on about not needing to eat. Just drink your own urine and be self sustaining he professed. I feel my face grimace even now. I wonder what i looked like then if someone was looking. I met him later sitting at a table in a restaurant in the village and thought to myself, "very nice guy but i don't fancy ever kissing him." yuck. Thats just me. I prefer glitz and glamour whenever possible thanks. I think i am gonna stick toward those simple goals of good manners.

It's true. I have decided that i am not a toilet bowl or the dirt F.T. I have given it enough thought. I would definitely need to be in a complete state of insane romantic infatuation. Not an impossibility but less probable at this point in my life. Since it is not something i think about unless i come across something like your article, it probably will not come up for me to ponder again for quite some time.

Well, I think that's about as good of advice as one can give considering how little info the asker gave.

Don't fear the pee-er, or something like that.

just a couple weeks ago I was confronted with a hot man, good kisser, but horrible breath. a few minutes together in the men's room for a beer-piss-mouth-rinse, and he was wonderfully kissable again!

I'm of the opinion that some people are just not comfortable doing some things sexually, and their boundaries should be respected.

One thing I would suggest is that the couple accept that this is something they do not share an interest in, and perhaps the uninterested party would grant the partner the opportunity to seek that aspect of his sexual play elsewhere.

Does every line need to be crossed? What if he were talking about fisting, or piercing, or bondage?