Father Tony

Fluid sex. Schedule it for 2020.

Filed By Father Tony | June 25, 2009 10:30 AM | comments

Filed in: Living, Marriage Equality
Tags: future sex

Father Tony, it'd be great to have you write in more depth about why you hope the 'straight vs. gay' dichotomy has gone stale. What kind of potentialities do you imagine? Grounding 'fluidity' in some practical, lived way is always of interest.


Dear Leo,

Glad you asked because I have been having visions of the way it will be.

In the old days (pre-pill) sex was strongly fused with reproduction. It was an unhappy marriage assured by the fact that all successful species evolve with a built-in friction-as-pleasure feature and an innate pheromone response that make the males and females of the species mate despite the fact that they don't really get along. (Many rabidly heterosexual males actually hate women. Ask any woman, if you doubt me.)

Uncoupling sex from reproduction was a big step toward understanding and appreciating the attractions that happen in our heads. Uncoupling birth from the womb (100% lab babies) will be the next big step. Cloning, in which I provide a few skin cells to create a replicant or three for organ harvesting, as ego-gratifying descendants or just for narcissex will be a final giant step in human sexual maturity that will help us sprint ahead of other primates.

Along the way, techies and geeks who get laid infrequently and who also understand the huge market for safe sex will perfect virtual sex to the point where we won't have to wear clumsy goggles or attach diodes to our privates. Users worldwide will say "Damn that was better and easier than the real thing!"

Men will stop marrying women when they realize that they don't have to put up with the work that is entailed in a heterosexual marriage just to get laid well and often. Hanging with their buds will cross the final frontier of male bonding. Women will live with women and have affectionate sex with women when they are finally rid of any need for men in the baby-making business. Marriage will be based on love and devotion rather than fecund friction.

Ah! Are you following me on this? Do you now want to accuse me of thinking that all men and women are basically homosexual at heart and that the only reason they consort with the opposite sex is for the survival of the species? You should, because I'm not so sure that is not the case.

Eventually, after several generations of purely homosexual activity, our species will mature to the point where folks will have sex with men or women without regard to their equipment and with attraction based solely on the health and personality of the individual. It will be an era of renewed sexual exploration. When that day comes, we will have finally become adults. Eventually, the evolution of our species will erase the physical male/female differences and the unused internal reproductive organs will disappear. The pleasure generating buttons may disappear along with them, or, they may become larger because we like them so much. If they disappear, our species will be freed from the nuisance of sex altogether, and our replication will be an entirely intellectual decision made with altruism and with a sense of duty to the universe. (Incidentally, the same thing may happen with our ingestion of food which is tied to pleasure so that we will do it often and remain strong and healthy. If we devise a more efficient nutrient delivery system, our stomachs and intestines will become vestigial and eventually disappear, followed soon by the demise of yet another nuisance appetite. All that will be left to us is a thirst for wisdom. And all of you biologists out there needn't bother jumping in to inform me that I have a simplistic notion of evolution. I already know that, thank you, and I intend to keep it that way. It's pretty.)

I think I have arrived at this thinking by having a lot of sex and analyzing it ad infinitum (and ad nauseam to some). I see in our current culture, a dismantling of taboo and fetishism that will change the way many people have sex in the near future. We are each currently victimized by parenting that demanded of us in our formative years some level of repression and denial and prohibition. As we permit everything and show everything and have access to everything, we will fetishize nothing. We will be sexually obsessed with nothing. We will turn to personality as an attractant and we will couple with men or women whose personality appeals to us.

Odd, isn't it, that most religious groups think that the fruit of promiscuity and sexual liberation is the surrender of a man to physical desire for body parts. The opposite is true. Once you've sampled all the body parts available on men and women, the only elusive goal is the individual human personality which becomes the ultimate aphrodisiac.

I figure we are about 11 years away from the stage in which we have sex with anyone regardless of their sexual assignment, age or ethnic/racial markings. Our sexual attractions will become based on the health and personality of the sex object. I'm already there, and I'm now waiting patiently for Colin Farrell and Halle Berry who will still be hot in 2020 to finally walk hand-in-hand into my boudoir where the door is always open.

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Well, that certainly is a modest proposal.

Hey, plumbing has always been the last thing that I check and my age range has been really wide too.
But I still procreated but because I wanted too. So where does that make me fit in the whole process? Just your average guitar player and a lot of fun at a party! So we are all evolving into guitarists, cool.

Haha, I'm going to take this more as "this is the dream of father tony"....

But it is funny that you're predicting that sex, gender, ethnicity, race, everything be discarded in this sexual utopia of the future... except for "No fatties." Because that's the real divide in humanity that no amount of epistemological shift can overcome!

Now now, Alex, I don't think I said anything about fat. I do believe that healthy bodies of any description are sexy. If a person trashes the one body they get in this life, I am not attracted to him/her. A person who is not a disciplined custodian of his/her own body is physically unattractive to me. That has nothing to do with the ordinarily presumed perfections of physical beauty. For instance, I would have no problem having sex with a hunchback (done that) or with folks who are missing limbs (done that)and other "flaws" beyond the control of the owner that I won't even describe here. The fat that seems to come with age even when a person is athletic is not a turn-off (God knows I have my share of it). Morbid obesity is a different story.

I do believe that our appetites - including sex and food - although pleasurable when being satisfied, are nuisances. And yet, without them, what would we have to discuss? Art? Wouldn't be much of that without appetites.

Father Tony, there are certainly some fanstastic ideas in there. Some, like, narcissex, stomach & intestines as vestigial organs, and cessation of festishization, allow my mind to fantasize all kinds of wonderful techno-sex potentials--a la Haraway's queered 'cyborg' ('queer' being just another useless label in your imagined world, no?).

Any sexuality framed as desiring an 'object' reminds me of dead white guy psychology--object relations, imago theory, Jung's Shadow. The desiring--I'm activating this in a Buddhist sense--leads to suffering, where suffering results from the desiring person seeking sex based on *perceived* health and personality, while only later (if there is a later ;-)) perceiving the desired object's (person's) shadow--hence the suffering. In a postmodern sense, one can never truly possess the object/person, just like Uncle Freud and Aunt Butler tell us.

Though trite, I do believe changing perceptions remains the advancing point, and your world appears to achieve that, at least initially, through the further freeing of the birthing process from the wombs of women. I would agree with you here in allowing women that opportunity, if they choose.

BTW, the increase of male-bonding, as it's 'freed up' via out-of-womb births and reductions in male-female copulation, drew some laughs. There's a fine gay porn fantasy if I've ever seen one :-)

Lastly, the 'duty to the universe' as the mediator between pursuing reproduction or not seems apt. If I might be presumptuous, here, there seems to be a pseudo-sacred, potentially spiritual theme here that's devoid of culturally-reinforced practices of hate, discrimination, shame, and judgment. Anything addressing one's own narcissism and narrow perceptions, while we move toward utopia, is a good thing.

Thanks for the post!

The nirvana you describe, in which everyone is free to have sex with any consenting adult, sounds lovely. On your blog I mentioned those genetic qualities that I believe are serious roadblocks. But, of course, there is so much more.

The dynamic of how men feel about women I chalk up to tribalism. For whatever reason—genetics and/or culture—men are far more inclined to need a tribe. Men need men. And women will never be a part of that tribe. I look upon your tribal rites—the dances, the health clubs, the sex clubs, the outdoor "territories," the language, ad infinitum—and envy the sense of belonging that drives it. At the same time, I note that the need for that tribe is driven by the rejection of its members by the larger tribe that is society.

But that only accounts for the gay tribe. Men still need men, no matter their sexuality. How to account for that? Perhaps in civilization and its rules. Interesting that it is men who make those rules, because women have never had that kind of power. And women don't have as strong a need for the tribe as men. Perhaps it is a quality inherent in testosterone, along with territoriality and so on. Women want to connect with everyone, period. The world is our tribe.

Power also plays a major role in hetero sex. In fact, it is just about all there is to it unless emotion is a component. I learned very early in life (far too early) that my only power when it came to sex was the word "no." Playful sex came at too high a price. Boy, did I have opportunities. I was offered money for a kiss, money to be a kept woman. But while you can imbibe with impunity, I pay with lowered status. Even getting married lowers a woman's status. It took quite the leap for me to want to be a wife. Think about it: have you ever heard good comments about the wife in our culture? After living with my boyfriend for years, I was suddenly "the ball and chain" to his business acquaintances. It seems my power lies in being a blanket of repression, whether or not I want it and whether or not it is true. The power of sex is a game I am grateful to leave to others. I wish it were not so.

I wonder if sex has that same dynamic between men or between women.

Because of that hetero history and the "rules" of the masculine tribe, your nirvana will remain out of reach. Even in 2220.

Of course, this scenario will require that the people of that future time actually develop interesting personalities....

Currently, that isn't always part of the package.