Alex Blaze

Bruno banned in Ukraine, but does Transformers sound steamier?

Filed By Alex Blaze | July 16, 2009 6:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment, Fundie Watch
Tags: bruno, censorship, movies, rim job, Ted Baehr, ukraine

As usual, liberals discuss, complain, and raise rancor on something they don't like, while conservatives just go ahead and ban it:

Bruno has fallen foul of the censors in Ukraine, who claim Sacha Baron Cohen`s raucous new comedy could "damage the morality" of its citizens, according to BBC.

The Ukrainian ministry of culture told local film distributor Sinergia it had "decided to ban all showings of this film on Ukrainian territory".

Bruno, it said, "contains unjustified showing of genital organs".

In addition, the film depicts what the ministry calls "homosexual perversions" in an "explicitly realist manner".

Wait, I thought the problem GLAAD had with the movie was that it's portrayal of homosexual perversions was very unrealist?

And since when are showings of genital organs ever "unjustified"? Haven't they heard that the latest research shows that men have to show their penises to little boys to prevent them from catching the gay? Maybe Cohen was just trying to be fair and balanced.

Of course, all the usual disclaimers about how I don't follow Ukrainian politics, their history of movie banning, or their entire culture enough to really get why they'd do this, yada yada yada.

But here's a glib comparison that seems appropriate:

Movieguide® has sent a letter asking local government officials throughout the U.S. to consider stopping the screening of the controversial movie "Brüno" starring comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, Movieguide® Publisher Dr. Ted Baehr announced today.

In the letter, Movieguide® asks officials to get an injunction against screening the movie on Friday until officials can look at the movie and determine whether it should be banned because it does not fit the "community standards" in their area, as defined by U.S. Supreme Court rulings on obscenity and pornography.

"This movie has been cut to get an R rating," Dr. Baehr said, "but it still contains much pornographic, offensive content."

Among the "pornographic" content in the movie, according to Movieguide® and Dr. Baehr, are "extremely graphic" sex scenes, including depicted intercourse, depicted homosexual sodomy, a depicted orgy, and depicted oral sex (including anal licking); explicit shots, including extensive close-ups, of full male and female nudity; and, "obscene" language about sex acts.

Movieguide is the "what to think" manual for evangelicals when it comes to movies, run entirely by one dude. Heaven forbid they accidentally see something that wasn't pre-approved by Ted Baehr. Such films might warp their fragile little minds.

But I have to admit that the way Ted Baehr describes Bruno makes me want to go out an see it. Rim jobs at the movie theater? Maybe my fellow movie-goers will be inspired to repeat what they see on the screen right there!

Or not. I still haven't seen Transformers 2, which Ted Baehr says has only "light, naturalistic nudity" that's "spoiled by crude pagan humor and a comment that sounded like the false religious theology of works righteousness." I'll be ready with my headphones for that false religious theology, but anxiously anticipating the "multiple gratuitous jokes about male penises, including an extreme close-up of a man's crotch wearing a bulging jock strap."

Multiple gratuitous penis jokes for the price of one theater ticket? What a deal!

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i don't know if you've ever listened to frank zappa's "joe's garage" album...but if you're the kind of ukranian who might be inclined to fall in love with a telefunken u-47, it seems to me that "transformers" would be a lot more threatening than "bruno".