Sparked by a trans woman's call for submissions for a zine titled "How to F*ck a Trans Woman," I recently wrote a piece about trans women's sexuality and specific things to consider when getting sexual with a trans woman.
I got it published in an online magazine I started writing for, Sexis: Sex and All Things Sexual, and since they are actually paying me for it, I feel obligated to point you to their page rather then reprint the entire article here.
You can read As Different as the Next Girl there, but I am happy to post an excerpt of the beginning after the cut.
As Different as the Next Girl
There are some things that are important to check in about when you're getting involved with a trans woman. At first it may seem unfamiliar, but after a while it should become second nature. In fact I find myself doing theses check-ins even when I'm hooking up with a cis woman, and I believe that they are helpful no matter who you're connecting with.
- Check in about what language to use for her body
- Check in about what language to use for her gender
- Check in about what touch she's comfortable with before touching
- Check in about what kind of sex she might be up for
Check in #1: Language to use for her body parts
Depending on the context, it might not be necessary to go through all of these, but they are hardly ever a bad idea. Like the time I hooked up with a friend who was used to being one of the only trans women in the group of trans men she hung out with. In the middle of our foray she asked me if she could touch my "chest" (the term preferred by many trans men for the parts that, on my body, I call "breasts"). Now, I understood what was happened so I laughed because I thought it was cute and we just continued on, but it might have been a problem for a different woman.
Anyone can be sensitive to language. While trans women can be particular about what words are used to describe our bits, some cis women can also be very touchy, preferring words like "vulva," "cunt," or "pussy," or being turned off by words like "vagina," (which originated from the word for the sheath for a soldier's sword). Each person is as unique in their language preferences as anything else.
Some words that many trans women use for their bits are "clit," "girlcock," or "outie." But they are far from universal, and personally, I'd be a bit peeved if someone referred to my bits as a "big clit" - my preferred term is "strapless." Sometimes word preferences can be unexpected. One partner of my mine prefers "cock." The first time she told me that, I had to ask her twice just to be sure.
For the rest you'll have to check follow this link: As Different as the Next Girl
Also, if you're interested there's a discussion board on Sexis about my article that you can access as well as leaving comments here.