Bil Browning

Why does God hate kittens?

Filed By Bil Browning | November 02, 2009 4:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: Lutherans, Minneapolis, religious stupidity

Okay, we can have too much fun with this idiotic video hoping to sway Maine voters and promoted by the Yes on 1 campaign. It claims that God sent a tornado to Minneapolis minutes after the Lutherans narrowly voted to approve a gay-positive resolution at their national conference.

"No Christian can truly maintain this was mere coincidence," the video claims. So following this same line of thought...

  • On June 5, 2009 in Goshen Co, Wyoming, an unmarried stray cat gave birth to four kittens under an old lady's porch. God hates bastard kittens. Repent, kitties. Repent.
  • On April 26, 2009 in Northwest Oklahoma, a redneck bought a used Buick from a friend. God hates unpatriotic Americans who buy cars with French names like Le Sabre. Repent, Chrysler. Repent.
  • On June 17, 2009 in Aurora, Nebraska, a local baker made a batch of snickerdoodles. God hates pastries. Repent, Cinnabon. Repent.
  • On July 3, 2009 near Salina, Kansas, a Baptist minister bought hotdog buns and bratwurst in anticipation of the church's Independence Day cookout. God occasionally hates leavened bread, but he always hates sausage parties.* Repent, Jimmy Dean. Repent.

Your turn.

*The tornado was really just retribution for the buns, for the pork sausage, see: Swine Flu.

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I realize that fact checking is probably not their strong-suit. The tornado struck well before the vote. We were doing a bible study on the prodigal son at the actual time of the tornado.(I was there).

After the vote the sun was shining and it was a beautiful afternoon! Coincidence?

ROFL. You really should include a "Put down your coffee before reading" alert at the top of posts like this. I nearly ruined a laptop.

I just realized you weren't joking... Wow...