Alex Blaze

How to tell if you're bisexual

Filed By Alex Blaze | December 06, 2009 7:30 AM | comments

Filed in: You Gotta See This
Tags: bisexuality put together some videos on sexual health, and here is their brief intro to bisexuality. They have one on homosexuality, too, but this one seemed more interesting.

I'm not bi, but that thing about having sex with anyone anytime doesn't sound correct (not that there's anything wrong with that). So what do the rest of you all think?

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Um ... I hope this clip will be helpful to someone out there, but "usually" it's people who say "I want sex with anyone any time"?

Um ... I hope this clip will be helpful to someone out there, but "usually" it's people who say "I want sex with anyone any time"?

it's cool that she isn't dismissing it as nonexistent, i guess, but it's also frustrating that she only sticks to interpretations in which a bisexual person finds the sex/gender of a partner irrelevant. i can't be alone in a. enjoying casual sex and b. being actively attracted to specific physical aspects of different genders, yet bisexuality always seems to get described as "loving" a person "regardless" of gender. i think i found the "sex with anyone anytime" part less bothersome (even though it too was just a regurgitated stereotype) because it at least acknowledged that sexual attraction plays a significant role in bisexuality, just like it does in any other orientation.

i think being bi is best described simply as the consistent existence of significant heterosexual and homosexual attraction toward other people. it is an orientation which will inevitably vary wildly from person to person.

Interesting brief introduction. She seems to just be offering a couple of points on the spectrum of bisexuality in a "check it out for yourself and don't worry about labeling everybody else" kind of way. My vote is this minute and twenty seconds is fine for a bit of a start in normalizing the thought for a questioning person. What is important is the full expression of the individual.

I'm glad she said it was up to the individual to figure out, because her examples were rather silly.

When I'm sexually attracted to someone, of course it's about more than their physicality, but that physicality is always part of the attraction. I love female bodies. I love male bodies. The sex of the person matters to me, but I exclude neither sex.

Sara Bellum | December 6, 2009 2:03 PM

The best thing I can say is that at least she comes across as seeming to mean well.

She does not seem to be taking it too seriously however. Evidenced by the fact that she failed to educate herself on the topic. Apparently she felt OK winging it. Not really a good idea for someone in her position posting possibly emotionally critical information to the world.

Maybe (I hope that "maybe" comes across as facetious as I meant it) it would have been a good idea for her to find a well-spoken bi person, who is themslf educated on bi issues, to help with this presentation.

Sean Graham | December 7, 2009 2:45 AM

Kinda hard because we as bisexuals are confused and don't exist.
Unless it's for political and non-profit donations.

If I want a primer on a sexual topic, might be one of the last places I'd go --- one of the first places might be the website for the Kinsey Institute. At least they have a small staff of professional sexologists that do serious science (or at least attempt to) that is oftentimes backed up with mountains of stats.

(DWVDUL: Didn't watch video --- dial/up line)

It does seem she means well, but her first example (and unfortunately, what she says is "usually" the case) is really just a new way of presenting one of those nasty biphobic myths - that we are all a bunch of horndogs with unchecked libidos. Would she have said "Usually lesbians say, 'you know what, sex is great and i want to have sex with any woman, any time'"? I kind of doubt it, though i am not motivated enough to dig up her video on homosexuality.

But at least she didn't tell budding bis that they are confused and need to pick a team or get off the field, so yay progress? :-/

Ugh. She may mean well, but it seems all this clip will do is perpetuate stereotypes. (Truly bisexual? New-age purists? Despite the talk of "being open to all forms of sexual expression", she's using some awfully othering language.)

I wonder, though, would she have said the same thing about female bisexuality? Or is it only men who are up for "sex with anyone, anytime"?

Nice try at labels. As a Gay man, Veteran of the Military and very out of my own self imposed closet. Which never was of a long duration well before Stonewall and the military. I believe that to call one's self BI-Sexual is a cop-out of the most immense and probably disasterous proportions. Just because you have sex with someone having different plumbing does not have anything to do with the label above. This is simply my opinion, having served in the Military for 23 years, retired and never ever feeling that I needed to be hiding myself for the sake of pier perceptions. The only thing that I shied away from was my possible vocation to the RC Priesthood that thankfully for experience never got off the ground. I was witness to the most terrible of relationships that should never have been consummated from the git-go just to keep the hounds of perceptions and eventual self destruction at bay. I have been since the age of 5 very aware that my orientation was consumated probably before birth. I am Queer. I like the term it fits me well. I love my neighbors and my neighborhood. I entertain and share from my garden, I cut roses for a neighbor. I laugh quietly at the concept of how hubby down the street or around the corner executes his day just to get some nukie from his partner. I don't label anyone and I don't close my curtains for sex with my husband.

Raymond Paquette | December 11, 2009 11:10 AM

The real problem here, in my opinion, is the perpetuation of what I call "the disease model" of sexuality. It views any non-heterosexual orientation as an aberration that must be, at least identified and have its cause explained. Is anyone searching for a gene to explain heterosexuality? Please do not give me the "reproduction" explanation--something a little deeper perhaps?

There are two problems. One is the implicit assumption that people are heterosexual unless they have some biological reason for not being so. And while the biological explanation often comes with good intent ("Don't be mean to that person, they can't help the being queer. They were born that way.")

And the other problem is the idea of a biological sexual orientation fails to recognize that gender is socially constructed, which means that sexual orientation kinda has to be also.

Even if I'm proven wrong, and there is a queer gene, we still have a choice for which we are responsible. Do we act out our queerness, or do we resist? Biology is not destiny. People have the ability to control themselves.

My response is to take full responsibility for my queerness. Yes, I have a choice and I choose to act queer. Maybe I could control it, maybe not.

But the real question is, why should I?

"I believe that to call one's self BI-Sexual is a cop-out of the most immense and probably disasterous proportions. Just because you have sex with someone having different plumbing does not have anything to do with the label above. "

Dan, that's incredibly prejudiced. Most self-identifying bisexuals are not gays who are in denial, trying to transition into that identity or hide from a homophobic society. It's a long-term sexual orientation, and it is different from your sexual orientation.

It doesn't mean "being gay but choosing to have sex with women to cover it up". It means the attraction to men and women are each strong enough that one feels the need to pursue relationships with both sexes. Society doesn't enter into it. I have physical and emotional needs. Women meet some of them, men meet some of them. I couldn't fulfill all of them if I restricted myself to just one.