Alex Blaze

The View discusses monogamy in straight and gay relationships

Filed By Alex Blaze | January 26, 2010 5:30 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment
Tags: Joy Behar, monogamy, relationships, Whoopi Goldberg

Maybe teh gayz will have words for Joy Behar over this segment of The View. I don't really think she was saying anything offensive - it's not a shame to not practice monogamy, there's nothing morally wrong with relationships, gay or straight, that don't have big hang ups about that so long as everyone's honest. There's a difference between monogamy and fidelity.

I do wonder who Whoopi's friends are, since, from my experience, Joy's pretty much right. JMG implies that it's a generational thing, but, really, the younger generation of gay men are just as good at the monogamy as previous generations. We just think there's a difference because young gay men talk a bigger game when it comes to monogamy.

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ShipofFools | January 27, 2010 3:59 AM

"They can conf...- they can contradict me" *lol*

Men and women are brought up in different ways, so obviously they behave differently in relationships.
Women are better at lying about cheating-
There was a European study about 3 years ago that showed that women cheat just as often as men, they are just better at hiding it.

It's not like she just brought it up out of nowhere, she's building off an interview Dan Savage gave on her CNN show - although he didn't actually say that all gay couples are incapable of monogamy.

All in all, tempest in a teapot, but I'm sure GLAAD will jump on it.

I disagree. This is an incorrect steriotype which often sadly gets used as ammunition and 'evidence' to demeen the quality of gay and lesbian relationship. Of all my gay friends (of which there are numerous) who are settled into long term relationships, I am aware of only one couple who still practice an open relationship and this happens very rarely and they do it together.

That's the thing - I don't think that monogamy means that a relationship is of more or less quality than another, and that because we're so dependent on that idea, people just start lying. For some reason straight folks think it's better to lie and say that you're monogamous than it is to just be honest and have some sort of open agreement.

That's the right though - feel and think what you want, just be ashamed of it later!

get on with it | January 27, 2010 11:29 AM

What does any of this nonsense have to do with trans issues and issues around oppression of gender variant peoples?

As someone said on another thread -- bilerico is obssessing with "gay" posts lately at the expense of trans posts. Are you LBGTQI or just G?

Get off the cross, we need the wood. It's an LGBTQ blog - not just a trans one.

This should be interesting, in terms of how gay marriage supporters deal with it. As Bil points out, she was passing on what was told her by Dan Savage - a fervent and utterly adamant supporter of gay marriage who has also expressed his contempt for queer critics of the rush towards gay marriage. It's not as if she was quoting a standard right-winger. Interesting wrinkle.

Which is to say - it'll be interesting to see what the straight community does with the difference between extreme right-wing family-values, there-is-no-fluidity-in-sexual-identity-and-what-you-do-is-who-you-are GAY gay marriage supporters who would like to silence people like Savage and the Dan Savages of the world who would like to make anti-gay-marriage queers go away.

That is, if mainstream straights can actually discern the differences at all. And there's actually a complicated straight sexual and political world, members of which are still bemused by a lot of the conservative rhetoric supporting gay marriage, and which comes from gays. This clip is interesting in highlighting some of these issues (and you have to love the righteous simple-mindedness always in abundance on The View).

And I wonder if it's possible that Joy Behar, who's pretty smart and funny, is able to stretch her intelligence a bit more on her own show. I don't have cable or regular TV, but the clips I've seen seem to indicate that she has had some interesting guests, including Naomi Klein. I'll check this out on the web. Thanks, Alex.

I think heads will explode in all the confusion, if they're not exploding already.

Dan Savage wrote a blog post on The Stranger's Web site supporting Joy, and I have to say I agree with him that monogamy is possible in practice, but against human nature and something that less valued at least among gay men than among straight people... I've known lots of monogamous gay couples, but lots of non-monogamous ones as well (including in the Biblical sense).

get on with it: Perhaps the reason for the shortage of trans-related articles is that few have been written.

Yasmin: Supporting marriage equality -- even getting married -- and being non-monogamous aren't mutually exclusive. However, identifying oneself as a "queer" and opposing marriage rights for other people because you yourself don't like the marriage and resent the fact that not everybody shares your ultra-left worldview and being a fair-minded person capable of nuanced thinking are most definitely mutually exclusive, like in the matter-antimatter sense.

Eh, I'm with Whoopi on this one. Case by case basis.

Rather than being a gay vs. straight thing, I think it's more about upbringing. Urban vs. suburban v.s rural.

Gay men who come from more traditional environments, like their traditional straight peers, prefer monogamy. Urban gay men, like urban straight people right now, are less uptight.

I do not take Dan Savage to be representative of the gay community. I'm sure most of you will be mindful of his comments on blacks when prop 8 passed.

And to chime in with Whoopi, "we need some gay folks on this show".