Gloria Brame, Ph.D.

Green penis veins, oral sex pregnancy, and other sex questions

Filed By Gloria Brame, Ph.D. | February 08, 2010 11:30 AM | comments

Filed in: Living
Tags: oral sex pregnancy, paper-eating, sex advice

Actual questions and answers from a sex advice column in the Pune Mirror (India).

I got married a month ago and we have unprotected sex everyday. I have one bad habit, which is that I eat paper. Is this harmful? I have tried to get over this habit but cannot. My husband doesn't know about it. Will this pose a problem for me during pregnancy? Also, I have been suffering from a major stomach ache since the past few days. Could it be because of eating paper?

Is it paper or pepper that you eat? Either way, your stomach pain may be related to your eating habits. You will not have a problem during pregnancy due to this.

More after the jump.

I have large green veins extending from the base to the tip of my penis. Is this a sign of some medical problem?

There is no problem except that I thought only frogs were green!

Recently my girlfriend kissed the tip of my penis and the next day she had a stomach ache. Could she be pregnant? Should she take pills?

She must have had dinner after and that probably led to the stomach ache. Oral sex does not cause pregnancy so she need not take any pills.

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"Green penis veins were all my joy
Green penis veins were my delight
Green penis veins were my heart of gold
And who but my lady green penis veins"

Lynn Miller | February 8, 2010 9:10 PM

OMG... you actually went there.

For those of you who might have missed out on the joke, Alaric is riffing of the classic English folk song "Greensleeves." The lyrics he adapted were originally:

Greensleeves was all my joy
Greensleeves was my delight,
Greensleeves was my heart of gold,
And who but my lady greensleeves.

If you don't recognize the melody, think of the traditional Christmas song "What child is this."

Wow, somebody actually thought oral sex could lead to pregnancy? The commentary may be earnest, but this is a comedic goldmine.

As Ron White would say, "You can't fix stupid. Stupid is for-EVER!"

There has been one case where it has. A knife wound immediately afterwards was involved.

Br J Obstet Gynaecol. 1988 Sep;95(9):933-4.
Oral conception. Impregnation via the proximal gastrointestinal tract in a patient with an aplastic distal vagina. Case report.

Article at

PubMed reference

The mother had no vaginal opening.

I'd love it if American advice columns would print the stranger questions they get. It'd be fun to see just how weird people could be!