Father Tony

Married to Tickle-Me-Elmo?

Filed By Father Tony | February 11, 2010 10:30 AM | comments

Filed in: Living

Dear Father Tony,

I'm going to tell you about something that I have never heard talked about before. After my long-time-partner (male) comes, his stomach gets really tight like he is trying to hold something back, and then, when he can't hold it back any more, he bursts out laughing. Not a loud laugh, but an uncontrollable laugh that he can't stop. I used to be really bothered by it. Now, I'm used to it, but I just don't get it. Do other men do this? Is it "normal"? Am I doing something wrong? He says he is not laughing at me and he doesn't know why he does it but he can't hold it back.

How weird is that?

Funny Valentine

Dear Funny Valentine,

Just when I think I've heard everything....You are right, I also have never seen this discussed, and although I've had sex with countless men, not one of them has ever, post-comingly, burst into uncontrollable laughter. I can see where it would cause you distress.

Here's what I think is going on. The moments/minutes right after orgasm are some of the most relaxed/relieved/tranquil moments a man can experience. That is why many of them simply fall asleep, and why others reach for the enhancement of a cigarette, and why others who are ordinarily reticent become talkative and unburden their souls.

Is your man ordinarily uptight or nervous? I am guessing that he is pretty tightly wound and that his post-orgasm snickers are an expression of his rare moment of relaxation. He doesn't know how to enjoy that relaxation, so it is expressed in nervous laughter, a laughter that almost mocks the "release" he has just permitted himself.

I am all about people giving themselves frequent license to enjoy life in a healthy and productive and loving way. I think his laughter may be a sign that he doesn't have skills in that area. I bet that if he gave himself license in other parts of his life, he'd stop laughing at his sexual permission. Anyway, be assured that he is not laughing at you. If anything, you should be worried if he stops laughing and if you can't see any change in any other area of his life with you. If that happens, it would indicate that he has found additional relaxation "elsewhere".

Oddly enough, his laughter is a compliment to you, his only source of relaxation and respite from nervousness.

That's all I got. Readers?

PS: Everything is normal.

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Been there, seen it. Quite common among extremely ticklish people.

That's so cute! Why would you ever be offended by anyone giggling/chuckling after orgasms? It seems extremely playful/sexy/vulnerable.

You got me giggling Funny Valentine ... as I was reading your question (when you were describing his tight stomach) I was feeling concerned and then when you revealed that he bursts out with laughter I started too ..... I have seen this before, but it's pretty rare .... Fr Tony gave you good advice .... what about some more stress relief during foreplay? and before foreplay?

Sex can include all emotions (even anger if directed appropriately) so how can you and your partner use laughter in deepening your sex life? My thing is crying ... I burst into tears sometimes when I come ... and during sex if I have strong feelings for my partner ... I reassure the ones who become confused about it and move on ... usually results in a more intimate connection ....

Sounds like a good call, Fr. Tony... And MrNanDa, too!

I love this one, too, Funny Valentine...
Sometimes, if I'm really lucky, I have so much fun DURING that I'll start chuckling spontaneously, but that's different.
I heard somewhere that the Inuit call sex 'laughing together'.
May we all be so lucky!

I was partnered with a wonderful guy who laughed during sex. Deep belly laughs more often than giggles, with his head twisting back and forth.

Maybe it would have tapered over time (we were together for a year, and then he died), but it's a cherished memory for me.

Ours was in his first significant relationship after his straight, 22-year marriage ended. It was as if his body had a deep well of joy, long capped, that became a gusher during sex.