Sara Whitman

Simply Be a Mom

Filed By Sara Whitman | February 10, 2010 4:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Living, Marriage Equality
Tags: gay families, gay marriage, Julie Goodridge, lesbian mom, LGBT family, marriage equality, Massachusetts, same-sex marriage

I know. I've been quiet for a while.

Part of me had to go lick my wounds for a while. Naked frat boy, horrible Supreme Court ruling. I didn't want to read or think or do anything. So I didn't.

I'm lucky that way. As a stay at home mom, I can sometimes simply take the day off. I miss working, often, as in a job you put on nice shoes for and drive to. Something about a paycheck and a boss to pat you on the head saying, nice job Whitman, is wonderful.

But then there is the downside, like a boss. And having to do a nice job, not taking a nap.

I don't miss that.

I did get to go out to San Diego this past weekend and talk to a pretty conservative group of people about what it is to be a family foundation. How family isn't always a mom and dad and 1.5 kids.

That .5 has to be messy, don't you think?

I wore a suit and got a lot of praise. It feels good to have people come up after and want to say hello. I had one gentleman who was a very conservative Christian- he told me his daughter was a lesbian and he loved her. I said, I think that's what Jesus would want.

Oh, stop laughing. I think it's great people have a deep belief in God. Well, I think it's great when they are kind people and don't use it for hate. He went on to tell me what a hard time he had at first, how he had to give up a lot of dreams- like walking his daughter down the aisle.

I said, Oh, don't give up on that. Work for it. We will have it one day. Everywhere. I promise you that.

He smiled but didn't really seem to believe me. Sometimes, I don't believe it either. I remember when Julie Goodridge told me that she and her partner were going to be the lead plaintiffs for a case that would make same sex marriage legal in Massachusetts. I smiled politely and thought she was nuts.

She is nuts (in a good way, mind you), and she was right about that. A couple years later, I had to say, Wow, I was really wrong about that.

We've come so far, as a people. When my son was born 14 years ago, I never thought I'd ever get married, legally. I said I didn't care, but I was lying. I cared. My mother cared- she, too, had the dream of a wedding.

I can't imagine she ever thought I'd wear a dress but who knows.

Now I'm married and can say that in front of a group of people who no longer raise their eyebrows. And they want to shake my hand afterward. It's nice.

It's also a reminder that we have come a long long way, baby. I have three sons now, and they know I'm working hard to make the world a better place for them. A friend told me, when I was depressed by the setbacks, that I needed to re-read some Dr. King, or Gandhi. The road is long, and will always be fraught.

The goal is worth it.

So I'm sorry I was gone for a while. I needed a break. I needed to not think big thoughts, or any thoughts. Just do laundry and go to the grocery store. Go to Jake's harp concert, listen to Ben rant about how unfair it is he can't get a tongue piercing.

And simply be a mom, which is, I know, the most powerful form of activism around.

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I take breaks often, Sara, because this is not easy to hear, and this is not easy to do and this is


And it sucks the spirit out of you, and we need that pat on the back just as much as a working person.

So good job, Whitman. Hope your vacation was great, and can't wait to see what you come up with next...