Don Davis

On Having A Laugh, Or, Porn Never Looked So Good

Filed By Don Davis | April 10, 2010 2:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment
Tags: Big Lebowski, funny porn, isopod, isopod vide

What with nuclear disarmament, a Supreme Court nomination, and the looming possibility that I may actually have to shovel my driveway all falling upon our heads at once, we are not going to have a lot of free time over the next few days--so we better have some fun while we can.

To get it going, I have a couple of videos for your dining and dancing pleasure...videos that are each, in their own way, so crazy that you will be talking about them, from now until the time we get around to some of that more serious stuff--and possibly for quite a while after that.

Let's start with the funny.

Who doesn't love "The Big Lebowski"?

It's a slice of genius, brought to you by the Cohen Brothers and Busby Berkeley, and for those of you who have never seen the film...oh, you really must.

John Goodman, John Turturro, Jeff Bridges, laying down an epic performance as "The Dude", Julianne Moore, Steve Buscemi...this movie is truly one of the greatest weird cinematic creations ever, and picking it up this weekend might be a good idea, especially if you're planning on a bit of drinking, which can only make this good thing even better.

Now, if you know this film, imagine how much fun it would be if someone produced a high-quality porn remake of the thing?

Guess what?

Somebody did...

New Sensations made "The Big Lebowski - A XXX Parody", and they took all the effort they saved in not trying to figure out a better title into making what is, without a doubt, the funniest porn trailer of all time.

Tom Byron, Peter O'Tool (and how happy do you think he was when he found out Peter O'Tool wasn't already taken?), Kimberly Kane, and James Deen, and Eddie Adams ("I'm knockin' 'em down like cocks...") fill out the cast. Lee Roy Myers, who specializes in this kind of thing, directs.

Here's the good part: the trailer is PG enough that you won't get in trouble with the boss, and here's another tip: see the thing in 1080p, and blow it up to full-screen. It's cinematically lovely, in addition to being hilarious--and it sounds nice, too, so pop on the headphones.

OK, so this next film is freaky, freaky, freaky, and you will not forget this anytime soon.

You know those "roly-poly" bugs that you played with as a kid? The ones that would roll themselves up into a little ball if they were frightened?

Well, it turns out that they belong to a crazy group of animals knows as Isopods, which are crustaceans, not insects.

There are more than 10,000 kinds of isopods, and they live on land and under water. That really creepy parasite that eats a fish's tongue and then replaces it is an isopod, as is this bizarre little thing.

They also get big.

If you were drinking because of that earlier might actually regret that now...but then again, drinking without regret isn't nearly as much fun, so with that in mind:

Try to picture a roly-poly bug that's...oh, I don't know, a couple of feet long or so, that spends its life crawling around the bottom of the ocean. Now try to picture a whole group of 'em, swarming on a dead fish as they fight for dinner with a group of equally hungry eels.

Hey, you know what?

You don't have to picture it. Instead, you can see it for yourself, right here:

Was that just bizarre, or what?

I think that's about enough for today, so go enjoy your weekend--and if you ever have to come up with a ghost story, ever again, in your entire life...I'd suggest the giant isopods or the tongue-replacing isopod should be the focus of the tale.

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"Well, it turns out that they belong to a crazy group of animals knows as Isopods, which are crustaceans, not insects."

Like crab, lobster...I wonder if they taste as good...

i don't think crabs and lobsters are isopods.

i think they're actually decapods.

are they filled with meat...or something more like that green stuff that you clean out of lobsters (hint: cook your lobster about 50% done, then split and clean it, and all that just pops out...)?

isopods apparently have 14 legs, so there sould be something in there--but if it's just like the meat in the "bad" crab legs, it might not be worth the effort.

Wait, so it is really porn? Cuz it sure looked like a movie!

this really is porn, although i haven't seen it...but the trailer is absolutely beautiful.

the score is great, the portrayals are true to the original--even the "overlooked" stuff, like lighting and set decoration, are flawless on this one.

I love the idea of porn becoming more like feature films - as long as the sex is good and worth waiting for and the films are available. I'd watch this for sure...i was sold as soon as I saw the guy licking the bowling ball.

Is it available for download?

Thanks for the tip!

i'll tell you what...i tried to locate a known legal download location, but i could not, which really surprised me--and lee roy myers, if you're listening...apparently this would be a good site for your advertising.

Eager - willing - able audience right here.

i'll steal a line from an old cigarette ad:

"come to where the audience is...bilerico country."

I keep telling bil to add a chat application to the blog. Maybe that would cause too much trouble. Ok, it would. But it help multi-task. Readers could keep up with current topics while sharing conversation with like minded perhaps horny individuals.

Sounds like the recipe for world peace.

Wow. The trailer was stunning work, seriously. It almost harkens back to the old days of the Mitchell Brothers, who, in SF in the late 70s, tried to upgrade porn by putting in real story quality. But this was really something to watch.

the mithchell brothers (who are famous for more than just their movies) made movies that were indeed at the top of the field for the time ("behind the green door" and "resurrection of eve" are two quick examples).

ironically, the son of jim mitchell (the surviving brother) is now involved in his own criminal case involving the death of a family member, in this case his baby mama.