Gloria Brame, Ph.D.

A het lady on marriage equality

Filed By Gloria Brame, Ph.D. | August 07, 2010 12:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Marriage Equality, Politics
Tags: civil rights, human rights abuses, LGBT civil rights, LGBT rights, marriage rights, Prop. 8

As regular readers know, my happy little niche here on Bilerico is to share some of the buried or obscure images I dig up as I research all aspects of sex all over the Internet. Not sure if you know much about me, but my professional life is devoted to sex research, writing books/articles, and therapy (my bread and butter). Meaning that, in fact, I'm a super opinionated, passionate advocate of sexual freedoms.

As one of the few hets to blog on Bilerico, I thought my beloved readers here ought to know just how I really feel about it. So I'm stepping out of my "photo lady" role for a moment to share what I recently posted on my personal blog about the reversal of Prop 8, after the jump. (Suffice it to say the irresistibly adorable image below is as G-rated as it got on my blog.)


To celebrate the happy news that the legal system has finally come to its senses in California and reversed the thoroughly morally repulsive, Proposition 8 that barred some Americans from rights that should be granted to all, I'm devoting this afternoon to sexual, sensual, and romantic couplings.

One point that has not been hammered home often enough: the right's argument against allowing gay marriage is that civil unions grant many of the same rights as straight marriage (so gays and lesbians should shut up and be grateful) is idiotic and insulting. Why should any group settle for crumbs? Are gays and lesbians the new slave class, expected to feel grateful for any acknowledgment of their citizenship that they get? Being gay or lesbian sure doesn't exempt them from paying taxes, does it.

As long as we allow marriage in America to be a right granted only to one class of people (heterosexuals; and the tens of thousands of closeted people who lie about it) there is no justice in America. For reasons that are all about religious dogma, and not in the least about the foundations of rational thought, heterosexuals are treated as a special elite, entitled to rights we collectively refuse to grant to our neighbors, relatives, friends, and co-workers because... because... we disapprove of who they sleep with?

Fuck inequality! Long live sexual freedom and equal rights for all.

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Regan DuCasse | August 7, 2010 12:48 PM

Girl, can I get an AMEN!
I'm a het who is all over the bullshit excuses thrown at our LGT family.

I've been on quite a journey lately. Encountering gay folks I knew in high school. They remind me what I was like when we were all kids and they were dealing with coming out.
I was wondering then, it sort of felt like a lot of gay kids were coming out to ME. I found out why later. But back then, these were my friends. I loved them and I needed all the friends I could get too.
What I found out was that, they TRUSTED me. To not judge, to be able to articulate their needs. To care for them regardless of the revelation of their orientation. To let THEM be the ones with the evidence of their experience. My place was to LISTEN and believe THEM. And I had no reason not too. I love being trusted, and I'd rather die than break such a thing. THAT was why so many kids of my age at school came to me to come out.

I look around me at the way anti gay people talk about gay folks. The most arrogant and stupid aspect is that any straight people like that are even asked whether or not being gay is a choice.

I wouldn't ask a man about giving birth, nor a non Jewish, anti Semitic about Jewish people.
So why are the anti gay given any credence as the experts on being gay? Why do they assert they are the truth tellers on the subject?
They do not listen to gay people and they don't believe them.
Which is about the MOST ridiculous, absolutely stupidest thing to witness. That's when anti gay hets have no clue how EMBARRASSING they are.

They don't even care to understand how they'd feel if the roles were reversed. Not enough imagination to be empathetic, but plenty of wild assed ideas about what would happen if gay people were treated equally.

I have literally wondered if the anti gay are getting brain damage from certain types of fear hormones that turn them into bullying cowards, while at the same time invoking all kinds of government powers and mob rule to fuck with gay people by any means necessary.

When any person who could look at the whole of our symbiotic history, het and hom with one another, gay people are a constant among all mankind. The factor B between A and C of men and women. Religious and political structures evolve, change and people are always the same, reliable part of who we are as human beings.
I am grateful to have men and women in my life who represent all the benefits of a sibling like relationship, without all the sexual tension and entitlement that disrupts male/female relationships. I don't know why gay people aren't appreciated more as the tempering factor, the civilizing bridge that creates vital empathy between the genders. Obviously men and women aren't getting along, and straight men are the most brutal of creatures, enabling themselves through religious dogma AND socio/political hierarchies to enshrine misogyny in every part of our day to day.
They don't appreciate what gay men can teach them, or lesbians...and don't appreciate just how compassionate that part of ourselves is, despite the longest and most intractable hatred of all mankind.

You'd think that the legacy of justice and equality had been a bad thing. They don't even try to imagine what things would have been like if misogyny, racism, homophobia hadn't been allowed to fester in this new nation.

Wherever I go, I know how to put the spike of critical thinking into the heads of some. Most balk, but it's a test of their bigotry and prejudice. Something they wouldn't care to admit they have.
Too. Bad.
Children torment each other to death over anti gay sentiment.
Can't be having that. There is legitimate urgency in what needs to be handled.
And we are not strangers here. Gay people are the one thing we can trust that's always and hopefully forever will be around to keep things lively and interesting.

Just out of curiosity how do you feel about one man and 2 or 3 women? Surely equality can't be limited to just pairings or it is not equality for all. Think about how Judge Walkers rationale applies beyond simply the same sex issue and maybe the hidden agenda of the Mormons will come to light. Utah was not granted statehood until polygamy was made illegal. That price of admission to the union has always stuck in their craw.

So where is your personal blog? Am I missing something? i would like to check it out and I don't see a link to it at

Oops. Not sure why. My blog is

Easy to find via google too, just type my name and it should pop up ("Gloria's Oversexed Mind")

It'll be listed when the redesign goes up at the end of this month. The site's been crumbling slowly as I don't update things in preparation for the move.

Gloria Brame | August 7, 2010 4:53 PM

Deena, funny you should ask because I'm in a three-way marriage (with my female SM life-partner of 10 yrs and my legal husband of 22 yrs) and ergo believe poly/open/BDSM relationships are as legitimate as any other kind.

As an out-of-the-closet SM/leather woman, I would love one day to see some kind of recognition and marriage rights granted to leather families and all adults who *wish* to make their permanent commitments legal. Right now, tho', I think the LGBT rights struggle is the battle to win.

My POV: our legal rights are being held captive by entrenched religious dogma and corrupt politics. There is absolutely no rational reason why anyone should be denied free choices in adult partnerships. I think, in fact, marriage should go back to where it came from (churches) and the government should adopt a neutral position: either no one may be legally married or everyone may.

Glory (het, queer, bi-kinky, poly, dominatrix, leather, gender fluid, and a few other things that bend people's minds) :)

Wow! Thank you for stating what you see and what actually happens! LBGT people are not trying to take anything away from anyone! We just want to be allowed to be who we are! I'm a T-person! My sexual preferance is mine! The denial of marriage to same sex people is discrimination! Judge Walker got it right! Please Gloria talk to those haters and let them know we are normal?
Thanks Regina

Thank you for your POV Gloria.

…*sigh*… Ok, for me the whole ‘marriage’ question kind of came to light because I’m a bit different. I’m, well, asexual….and… *sigh*
Being asexual doesn’t mean that I’ve never thought of not getting married. Let’s face it, as children we all sit with mom or dad on slow days and talk about the day we grow up and even get married and have kids. I can’t remember how many times I talked with my mom about starting a family…

Then after I was in the Navy for a few years a doctor came to the conclusion that I was Intersexed…hell, he hedged his diagnosis by pushing prenatal vitamins on me “just in case”.
Women are told all the time that they’re having a baby. It may come as a shock. But it’s not beyond the realm of possibility and is in fact a distinct probability that a woman will get pregnant.
Many people are told they simply can’t have children. Sad, yes… but, once again well within the realm of possibility.

Being gendered as male (Ok, I had a ton of issues and self identified as probably transgender at 12..yeah, 12) and having to put up with countless harassment and abuse from all corners that slighted my masculinity to be told that I may have gotten myself pregnant…

(oh my god, that news? I’ve been hit in the face with a shovel for real. Honestly, I preferred the shovel.)
[also, I admit, I am a redneck. I’m my own cousin so many different ways that, once I regained some composure about the situation only made me laugh all the more at myself. 6th, 5th cousin and even 1st [either 4 ways or 16 depending on how you figure it] but to be my own paternal twin sibling of the opposite gender and ‘we’ are pregnant???? Holy crap sandwich! No, I did not tell my parents or anyone in my family.]

But that put me in a position that’s unrecoverable.
If you are biologically male/female you are really screwed.
Especially if you live down south like I was.

Legally one gender, if you marry someone of the opposite legal gender the marriage is voidable if the fact of your non-binary gender becomes known. In Florida, they may even charge you with fraud. Even if you didn’t know at the time of your marriage of your unique makeup a total stranger could come along and have your marriage voided.

With the repeal of Prop 8 and the subsequent Supreme Court decision (yeah, I know that’s gonna take a while) I hope that lowly little me can one day get married, get miserable and complain every day at work about “the old ball and chain” and the infamous “honey dew list”.

Susanna I Astarte | August 8, 2010 2:07 AM

Hey Gina- I S rights are right in line behind everyone else (GLB and T). I like to say I've dated all 4 food groups- male, female, Trans and InterSexed. You'll get there someday!!I try to educate people about the IS community when I can.

I like that you use "het" instead of "straight." Because someone can be incredibly heterosexual without being on the straight and narrow at all. :)