The next time somebody asks why I don't attend church I'm going to show them "Where the Rubber Hits the Road" (Part 1, Part 2) from Catholic Exchange.
A trans woman looking for answers asks if her transition - done in the face of certain death from stress - is justified and what she should do regarding practical matters such as bathroom usage, showers, jail accommodations, etc., and gets the following in response. Mind you, the response is a rare gem in its honesty, and something everybody should read. But it is somewhere between pragmatic, cold, and callous, but at least she says it with a smile (emphasis mine):
Now I am going to say something that may seem harsh but remember I am talking to you about objective reality - where the rubber meets the road. It is better to die than to offend God. It would have been better for you to have given your life to stay in obedience to God, than to break His law and to drag along into sin your poor spouse. At some point -- along with those who denied Christ under persecution and later felt remorse, you will have to say, "It would have been better for me to have died instead." That is hard, but really everyone of us should feel that way about every serious sin we have committed. We should prefer the death of our bodies to the death of our souls, shouldn't we?
Now a separate issue has to do with society. I certainly don't want to see any harm come to you - Goodness knows, what you have done to yourself is plenty! -- but there is a saying that "hard cases make bad law." In law we have to look at the common good and the general welfare. If I were you, I would do my best not to run afoul of the law! Always a good policy anyway for everyone. If you get into a situation where you come before a judge and you are going to be detained, you will need to throw yourself on the mercy of the court -- ask for house arrest, or solitary quarters -- these are reasonable requests and an attorney can likely hint at possible civil action to emphasize the necessity. As for traveling and public showers etc., these things are not necessities of life. I guess you will have to live under a few restrictions because of what you did to yourself. You can just consider all that part of your penance.
First and foremost, we live in a society based on freedom of expression. The idea that the law should punish people who don't conform to a narrow Catholic viewpoint is, to say the least, absurd and a blatant smack to the face of the idea of American individualism. (If this kind of "you asked for it" mentality is okay, then may I price-gouge fish sandwiches around the time of Lent?)
Second, the idea that martyrdom in the name of God trumps survival in the name of family falls somewhere between hypocrisy (y'all ain't gonna kill them fetuses no more!) and cruelty (your life sucks, but let me rub salt in the wound just because).
It seems crazy, but then again some of the flock do seem to be pretty crazy about instilling a benevolent Catholic dictatorship:
Lady, let me introduce you to my "objective reality." I'm a woman. People see me as such. Claiming that death is preferable to life is beyond the pale. And, best of all, we are free to disagree: you're welcome to claim that an obedient death is superior to a disobedient transition, and I'm welcome to shoot two beautiful, feminine middle fingers in your direction as I go right on with my life.
(Unfortunately, she seems to have seen the middle fingers coming, and gauging by the comments section has the site under heavy moderation. Oh well. She can plug her ears and go "la la la!" while I go about my business as the woman I am, for all I care.)