I don't know which is sadder: that Greg Gutfeld thinks he's going to prove a point to liberals using the American right's constantly-demonstrated fidelity to the LGBT community or that getting people into gay bars nowadays is as easy as putting a sign that reads "Muslim gay bar" on a building.
Important news in the annals of publicity stunts today, as Fox News' Greg Gutfeld announced on his blog--the truly unfortunately named "Daily Gut"--that he has aims to open a Ground Zero-area gay bar catering to Muslim men in the space next to a proposed mosque. "As you know, the Muslim faith doesn't look kindly upon homosexuality, which is why I'm building this bar. It is an effort to break down barriers and reduce deadly homophobia in the Islamic world," the Red Eye host wrote, identifying the bar's raison d'être. "After all, the belief driving them to open up their center near Ground Zero, is no different than mine." Ahem.
Will there be a backroom at this bar? If there is, they should definitely sell T-shirts that say "I had sex at the Fox News gay bar and all I got was this T-shirt... and crabs."
Vanity Fair continues:
Gutfeld insists, multiple times, that he is "dead serious on this one," and announces that he has "spoken to a number of investors" about the project. (For what it's worth, Red Eye's Andy Levy corroborates Gutfeld's earnestness.) Reactions to the proposal have been mixed. Mediaite's Jon Bershad, for instance, characterized the idea as "brilliant," explaining, "just because I support Muslim Americans in their fight against anti-Islam prejudice, doesn't mean they shouldn't get a few dings for their religion's own prejudice against homosexuals." The conservative Hot Air blog, itself against the construction of the Ground Zero mosque, provides a helpful gloss: the gay bar is, metaphorically, a mosque equivalent. According to it site, both the bar and the cultural center "needlessly [inflame] cultural tensions in the ostensible service of liberal values" and both "celebrate tolerance regardless of the sensitivities of the surrounding area." In any event, the stunt will certainly put Gutfeld on the map, if not, necessarily, his Muslim gay bar.
I don't even know what a "Muslim gay bar" would look like. I went to a gay bar the last time I was in Istanbul, and it was pretty similar to Western gay bars (expensive, fruity cocktails, sterile decor, servers with hair gel, and a few rainbow flags) and a whole lot less gay than certain parts of the city (if you know what I mean).
I know he's not actually "dead serious," but I'd just like to point out that rightwingers and conservative Christians really shouldn't get too arrogant about their superior tolerance of LGBT people. Do I even need to remind them that they have a ways to go?
I'm announcing that I am planning to build the first gay bar that caters not only to the West, but also Islamic gay men. To best express my sincere desire for dialogue, the bar will be situated next to the mosque Park 51 in an available commercial space.
Now, I've already spoken to a number of investors, who have pledged their support in this bipartisan bid for understanding and tolerance. As you know, the Muslim faith doesn't look kindly upon homosexuality, which is why I'm building this bar. It is an effort to break down barriers and reduce deadly homophobia in the Islamic world.
The goal, however, is not simply to open a typical gay bar, but one friendly to Islamic faith. An entire floor, for example, will feature non-alcoholic drinks, since booze is forbidden by the faith. The bar will be open all day and night to accommodate men who wish to keep their sexuality under wraps, but still want to dance.
GUTFELD: So, hot on the flat, comfortable heels of California overturning the gay marriage ban, Ellen DeGeneres announced on her show that she's marrying the stunningly hot Portia de Rossi, and she got a standing ovation. And I could tell Ellen hasn't been this happy since she professed the same love for Anne Heche, also on TV, a decade ago. As you know, seeing Ellen happy makes me happy, for everyone should be happy with the one they love, be they straight, gay, transgendered, bicurious, master, slave, S&M, or even Belgian -- especially Belgian, those miserable bastards deserve it.
But Ellen already knows that once you publicize your love, it applies undue pressure on that relationship to survive, even if it's not meant to be, and then resentment grows, leading inevitably to something named Coley Laffoon [Heche's estranged husband] -- such a stupid, stupid name.
The fact is, if you ever want to live happily ever after, you need to shut the hell up about it. Professing one's love publicly only works in sappy commercials, bad movies, and perhaps dungeons in the East Village where the survival of your scrotum depends on it. For me, public exhortations of love are no different than telling everyone how great your bowel movements are since switching to All-Bran -- no one gives a [bleep] except you. And so, this is why I never discuss my marriage with anyone, which is the main reason why John Stamos and I are so happy together. And if you disagree with me, then you, sir, are worse than Hitler.
I'm sure he applies the same standard to all celebrity couples, telling even the straight ones to stay in the closet. Those parts of his show just get edited out.
And here he is on Thomas Beattie, the trans man who shared his pregnancy with the world:
Yeah, he's really in a position to be telling others they should be more tolerant.