"Suicide, suicide, suicide baby, don't do it, don't do it, don't it baby." --Queen
Perhaps you remember Freddy Mercury, Gay Asian American rockstar and lead singer of the band QUEEN singing on the B side of the 45 of "Another One Bite's the Dust."
A 45 was a small record for you youngin's.
As you know, there has been a rash of LGBTQ youth suicides. Freddy Mercury might have warned these young boys that despite their current circumstances, "you got a good thing going." Author Dan Savage is trying to reach out to tell LGBTQ youth that "It gets better!" A reminder that while Hell School sucks for many out and closeted queers, life does get better.
Having been a queer kid who came out in rural Oregon in the early 1980s I know what it's like to be shunned in high school. The high school football captain told me "I'm going to bring my shotgun to school and blow your fucking head off dyke." On my birthday one year the prom queen told me I was an "ugly dyke," the jocks called me names when I walked by Jock Corner and tried to run me down with their pick-up trucks when I crossed the street. I know a thing or too about homophobia, bullying in schools, and hate crimes. Of course before I came out and fully accepted myself there was a brief time when I thought about ending my life at age 13.
But I did learn how to love and accept myself and that externalized homophobia is much easier to deal with then internalized homophobia which you eats you upside and makes you contemplate suicide.
That's why I do coming out workshops for a living now. I know that coming out and loving yourself is the key that sets you free, (despite what some closeted ivory tower queer theory students might think). When you come out there's no more hiding. Ask Senator Roy Ashburn who described his overwhelming sense of peace about not having to hide any more.
"You f***ing dyke." Yeah, so what. "You're a carpet muncher." Tell me something I don't know. "Queer, homo." Uh-huh. "Faggot!" Well, you're close. Sticks and stones baby! But it's the inside talk that'll hurt me.
Internalized homo/bi/transphobia is a toxic cancer. It will eat you alive. For most, it requires personal work, support, and specific strategies to overcome help you love and accept yourself 100% for the beautiful queer gift you are to the world.
Trans is grand! Gay is great! If you're bi, celebrate!
LGBTIQ people rock (Melissa Etheridge, Freddie Mercury). We renovate (Micheangelo, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Guys). We are funny! (Ellen, Wanda, Roise, Margaret)
We are foxy actors, singers, lawyers, doctors, teachers, civil rights leaders (Bayard Rustin) and mystic Sufi poets (Rumi).
We're here, were queer, were fabulous and it's time we know it, not just say it. May all those who are considering suicide call the Trevor Project or a suicide hotline. Go to a PFLAG meeting an LGBT center, MCC, or contact a therapist.
If you know you're still believing that being queer is a bad thing reach out and get support. Eliminate those last vestiges of internalized queerphobia. It's time to change that story that you've bought into that something is wrong with you. Get support.
But please, please, please don't take your life. You are precious and worthy. Things that seem overwhelming now can change. Reach out!!