Mark S. King

Jocks are Sexy, Straps are Silly

Filed By Mark S. King | November 15, 2010 12:00 PM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment
Tags: gym, humorous blog post, jockstrap

I'm at my locker, powdering my feet and cursing the gym for not having a blow dryer, when I notice a forty-something hottie undressing for his workout. He peels off his Calvins and reveals... a red jockstrap. Now let's be honest. Jocks are a playful, sexy costume, like wearing a harness to a leather bar.

I mean, really. The man dons a jockstrap for 20 minutes on a stairmaster. What in the name of Richard Simmons is he protecting in there?

Sports bras make sense. They have a functional purpose. But somebody explain to me what a jockstrap accomplishes that my tighty whities can not.

Resentment may play a role in this. I have a flat ass. When I put on a jock the straps just kind of hang there. Rather than being stretched around melons, they flutter from the slightest breeze and suffer from an existential crisis of purpose.

(After the jump may be NSFW)

Yes, jockstraps are sexy. I came of age during what is now "vintage" gay porn, and I can't see a jockstrap without remembering Jon King (no relation, maddeningly) or Jeff Stryker rocking one on the dusty cover of an old videotape.

The jockstrap has been around longer than you might imagine. The word derives from "jockey strap," because the first were designed to protect the genitalia of bicycle riders (seats have been modified and improved since). The first manufactured in America was the Bike Jockey Strap. The term "jock" is itself derived from jockey strap.

The jockstrap shouldn't be confused with a protective cup, which is separate device used by athletes and therefore utterly foreign to me. I always imagined it as a kind of steel-plated chastity belt contraption, but while researching this post I've seen pictures, and can now tell you a cup looks like a miniature version of Jason's hockey mask from the teen slasher Halloween.

My knowledge of the topic is now exhausted, except to say that I would prefer the majority of men sporting jockstraps at the gym to consider Hanes boxer briefs. They're trampling on my fond recollections of Jon King, and some things are simply not to be trifled with.

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I agree, Jockstraps ARE sexy, but briefs are my favorite. It's the mystery aspect, I suppose!

Wow, a jockstrap at the gym- maybe he was just back from soccer practice?

I will say that I've made the mistake of wearing boxers to the gym- and that just plain hurts. boxers on a treadmill can hurt like hell. But briefs can usually deal with that problem.

Boxer briefs work well enough but cut the red-jock guy a break. It may be his best chance to wear something sexy. Thanks for reminding me of Jon King, He was a sexy man whose loud and face contorted ejaculations were a delight. He came to a sad, AIDS related ending. At least we have memories and the films to document what he offered.

I've never been a fan of the jock strap - always thought they were kinda ugly. (Plus, I have flat butt syndrome too so maybe that's part of the problem!)

Mark, for This Post, i Hereby Sentence you to Thirty minutes on the elliptical machine, set on High, With NO Support for "The Boys" at all. After that, let's see where you stand on Jock Straps.

Jocks Put "The Boys" RIGHT where they SHOULD Be, And Keep them There (Out of Harm's Way). Underwear only does Half the job and only does a "Half-Assed" job of it.

When next you are at the gym, give it a try, see if you dont agree.