WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference this morning, President Barack Obama admitted that he was, in fact, born in Morocco.
"It's half-way between Kenya and the US," Mr. Obama explained, "so in the spirit of bipartisan compromise I'm going to admit that I was born in Morocco. I haven't seen the long-form birth certificate either and I don't remember my birth, so who knows? There's probably some truth in both sides. I hope by extending this olive branch to my opponents that we can lay this matter to rest."
This attempt to reach across the aisle to Republicans follows Mr. Obama's compromise that extended tax cuts to the richest in the country and lowered the estate tax in order to make sure the millions of unemployed Americans don't starve for the next few months. He hopes this compromise will lay the matter of his disputed citizenship to rest.
"It's a good start," said the Washington Post's David Broder. "I recently visited a small town filled with Real Americans in West Virginia, and I found them to be hostile to the president. But if he's willing to stand back from his ultra-liberal 'Hawaii is part of America' position, I believe that they'll be more amenable to his liberal agenda, like discussing allowing homosexuals in the military."
Out-going Democratic Senator Evan Bayh applauded the president's concession. "This is exactly what Democrats should be doing. Obstructing the Republican agenda like we did for the last two years, including the Republican desire to impeach the president, only divided America and didn't accomplish anything for the American people. The people didn't want Barack Obama to be president; they wanted low taxes on the wealthy and for someone to take out, excuse me, take care of Social Security."
He added, "We should be listening to the will of the American people, not some election that occurred, may I remind everyone, over two years ago."
The debate over the president's place of birth has dogged him for the first two years of his presidency as intellectuals on both sides of the debate had strong evidence in favor of their own opinion. The fury, though, has ruined the bipartisan spirit of the Bush Administration, even spilling over to some of Georgetown's finest cocktail parties. Political analysts in the nation's capital have been very concerned with getting America past this debate.
When reached for comment, Republican Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann said, "Morocco? OK, whatever. It's still not America. That's a great compromise because we still win."