I have never been with a woman.
It is my passionate plea that any and everyone who reads this let Margaret Cho know that I am single and available.
I know what you're thinking. She's married; you're gay. Simple mistake, means nothing.
Don't be so judgmental.
I am sure that when me and Ms. Cho meet, we will put our brilliant minds together and come up with something mutually beneficial for all involved parties. Hey, we've got a black President, the internet and free long distance calling. Anything is possible. I remember when all of the aforementioned items were the stuff of dreams - science fiction, if you will.
So come on peeps, help me throw my hat in the ring for Margaret's heart. I will personally make sure you all get an invite and maybe she could sing at her own reception. Is that tacky? Who gives a shit, it's my, I mean, our day. I would be happy to cook and clean. I can cook anything.
I make incredible brownies, macaroni and cheese and wonderful chicken dishes. Does anybody know if Margaret is a fan of Indian food ? Oh crap, I forgot, she has acid reflux, I think. I will be more than thrilled to make her milkshakes daily and keep the press and her rabid fans at bay.
Can anybody help me with this ? I can't offer money because I have none. However, you, the wonderful you, who ever you are, would get the satisfaction of knowing you had a hand in assisting divine order.
You would help by giving the Universe a kick in the ass and making me deliriously happy all in one swoop.