First off, I want to say that I love this show. Every scene between Kurt and his dad is kind, hopeful, thoughtful, loving and insightful. If any of us had ever had an adult this supportive and nonoppressive, things would be quite different. However, I want to address the concept of duality or, more appropriately, living with and managing our own contradictions.
As a member of several divergent social circles, I understand the hunger for representation. In gay circles, we are often shamed if we refuse to adore everything gay regardless of its content or ability to create value. Within black or artistic settings, the same rules apply.
At times, I struggle with my tastes and preferences because there is still a need to be a part of the culture. Many people reading this may assume I am plagued with internalized homophobia or just plain out of the loop because as a queen in his 40's, my day has come and gone.
Both of these assumptions would be incorrect.
Having spent an inordinate amount of time on self development (self love), I can assure anyone, myself included, that I harbor no feelings of loathing regarding myself or my sexuality.
Questioning and having a look needn't be confused with self hatred, denial or an inability to see and speak truth. My incongruities make me an emotionally rich human being.
I love men and being gay.
My contradiction with Glee is very simple: I am completely floored by the outrageousness of it and its ability to put difference (homosexuality) at its center. I applaud the young queen who successfully takes center stage and demands that his voice, desires, opinions, and talent matter.
Every time this occurs I can't help but wince knowing that while this may work on a television show and in the confines and safety of Mr. Schu's room, the world can often have different ways of handling those who steadfastly hold to their beliefs and refuse to remain silent.
In other words, I fear the punishment that is coming.
I know first-hand the brutality of being different and the grappling with oppressive forces that want to annihilate you because of this difference. I grimace weekly not knowing what will happen to this gifted and sweet individual and silently cheer and cry when week after week he triumphs.
In honesty, I could say my interest and love for this cultural juggernaut is not dualistic (love/hate). By and large, it is just plain old jealousy. I often am moved not by what could happen to Kurt but what did happen to me .
I longingly ache for the person I could have been had not so many obstacles been thrown onto my path. I achingly long for the family or a family member like Kurt's dad who takes up for him and threatens any one who tries to give his son shit about who he is and his choices.
My dad made homophobic jokes and unleashed cruelty on anyone who refused to participate in his ignorant and hurtful comments. Watching the relationship between Kurt and his dad makes me reconsider what is possible. It makes me angry that there are people getting this type of support while I fight daily not to nurse resentment because I had a family who saw everything different as bad.
I suppose this show turns blends both my disappointment about what did happen and my hopes of what could happen. It makes you think and feel.