Just when you thought that Wal-Mart and the Gap's "War on Christmas" was destroying America's Christian values, now we find out that the Muslims have declared a "War on Thanksgiving." You may be wondering what those nefarious brown people have done this time, but this deadly secret is so shocking you'd better sit down... The turkey you're about to consume tomorrow is probably a sharia bird deadset on the destruction of apple pie and football lovers nationwide.
Ayn Rand acolyte (and defender of xenophobes and birthers nationwide), Pamela Geller, fills us in on Butterball's nefarious deal with Al Queda and Muslim housewives.
A citizen activist and reader of my website AtlasShrugs.com wrote to Butterball, one of the most popular producers of Thanksgiving turkeys in the United States, asking them if their turkeys were halal. Wendy Howze, a Butterball Consumer Response Representative, responded: "Our whole turkeys are certified halal."
Non-Muslims in America and Europe don't deserve to have halal turkey forced upon them in this way, without their knowledge or consent. So this Thanksgiving, fight for your freedom. Find a non-halal, non-Butterball turkey to celebrate Thanksgiving this Thursday. And write to Butterball and request, politely but firmly, that they stop selling only halal turkeys, and make non-halal turkeys available to Americans who still value our freedoms.
Yes, that's right. Now the religiphobic right is boycotting Butterball turkeys. Of course, AFA's Bryan Fischer has to join the bandwagon, tweeting "Be advised: every single Butterball turkey sold in America this Thanksgiving has been sacrificed to Allah first."
Maybe someone should tell these staunch defenders of Israel that kosher birds are killed the same way. Why do Pam Geller and Bryan Fischer hate the Jews?
And for the record, Republican president Lincoln made Thanksgiving a national holiday in an attempt to bring the North and South together. The racist Southerners rejected the day originally as an assault on their traditional values. I guess somethings never change, eh?