Bil Browning

Some Ignorant Dipstick Won the Iowa Caucuses

Filed By Bil Browning | January 04, 2012 9:00 AM | comments

Filed in: Politics
Tags: Ann Jillian, Iowa caucuses, Jennifer Slept Here, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, presidential elections, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul

I'd rather have watched reruns of Jennifer Slept Here than suffer the election returns of last night's Iowa caucus, but work necessitated watching as one sad sack after another conceded that they weren't the next reincarnation of Ronald Reagan. If I'm going to watch a ghost of former glory haunt a bunch of rich white people, I might as well score some Ann Jillian goodness.iowa-2.jpg

The winner still isn't clear as I'm writing this. Everyone from Ron Paul on down have admitted that they lost; Perry admitted he'd be re-evaluating whether or not he should continue his cowboy crusade for power.

Some talking head or another said on MSNBC that "An inside source tells me they'll be having the talk with Michelle Bachmann soon. It hasn't happened yet, but it will soon." She didn't seem to get the memo in her concession speech and vowed they were set to play through South Carolina. Maybe they hadn't had the talk yet, but she placed lower than the village idiot and he was already packing his bags for Texas.

Right now Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum are tied for the win. By the time this publishes tomorrow, an ignorant dipstick will have won the Iowa caucuses. Whether it's Romney or Santorum, their economic, international and social policies are disastrous recycled pablum mouthed by professional hacks who will gladly use LGBT people as scapegoats if they can claw their way to power by standing on our backs.

Sure, Santorum will be more outspoken about his homophobia. He loves him some Jeebus and you know how Jeebus is... He hates the gays, the Jews, the blacks, women who talk too much, and especially the Muslims. God really hates the gays according to Santorum. A lot.

Romney will pussyfoot around his willingness to negotiate away our rights for political points. He loves him some Romney and you know how Romney is. He hates the voters, Barack Obama, the poor, the elderly, and occasionally the gays. Romney really hates Barack Obama according to Romney. A lot.

While Romney claims he's supportive of LGBT rights generally, he still can't buy into full equality. Maybe he doesn't realize that you can't get human rights like a new Rolls Royce. There are no luxury options; it's a yes or no question. Santorum isn't afraid to use our rights as red meat for conservatives though. "When families break down, the economy suffers," he just said without realizing that when the economy breaks down, families suffer - including LGBT families.

So, yeah. Some ignorant dipstick won the Iowa caucuses.

UPDATE: Looks like Romney won by 8 votes and rumor mill has it that Bachmann may have canceled those plane tickets to South Carolina after all. She's holding a press conference later this afternoon.

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