Bil Browning

They're All Smurfing Each Other

Filed By Bil Browning | June 04, 2013 11:30 AM | comments

Filed in: Entertainment
Tags: gay marriage, marriage equality, same-sex marriage, Smurfette

Well, of course the Smurfs support marriage equality. The only female in the bunch is Smurfette and she was created by Marcus Bachmann-wannabe Gargamel years ago as bait for the flower-lovin', happy band of blue-skinned brothers. Like good gay fictional characters, the Smurfs adopted their new fag hag, anointed her with moonbeams and did her hair.

No, seriously:

Smurfette was magically created from clay by the Smurfs' enemy, Gargamel, so that she would use her charms to cause jealousy and competition among the Smurfs in order to cause their fall. He left her in the forest and Hefty Smurf took her to the Smurf village, where she was kept out of kindness.
Gargamel's plans didn't work well at all. The Smurfs' kindness to Smurfette caused her to want nothing else than to be a real Smurf. Papa Smurf took pity on her and took her to his laboratory, where they locked themselves in while he cast spells, including infusing her with moonbeams, before emerging. Smurfette now had long, flowing blonde hair and an appealing character...

When the Smurfs argued about which one should marry her, she herself announced that she would take Grouchy Smurf, who had customarily stated "I hate marriage", thus making her point that the subject was closed.

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