John M. Becker

Porno Pete Writes a Poem About Michael Sam

Filed By John M. Becker | January 08, 2015 10:00 AM | comments

Filed in: Fundie Watch, Living
Tags: Michael Sam, Peter LaBarbera, poem, poetry, Porno Pete, same-sex kissing, wingnuttery

peter-labarbera-2014.jpgIt's been almost eight months since football player Michael Sam's famous on-air same-sex kiss, but Peter LaBarbera -- whose legendary obsession with photographing gay sex acts has earned him the nickname "Porno Pete" -- just can't stop thinking about it.

In fact, LaBarbera is so fixated on the image of Sam locking lips with boyfriend (or as LaBarbera describes him, his "homosexual lover") Vito Cammisano that he devoted his entire year-end blog post to the it.

After calling Sam "articulate" (click here for more information about why that word is problematic when used to describe African Americans), LaBarbera launched into a 42-verse poem about the kiss, which he says was inspired by Dr. Seuss's Green Eggas and Ham.

Seriously.

The poem is an astonishing outburst of homophobic angst, and as Right Wing Watch points out, it's quite memorable (for starters, "gayness" is rhymed with "anus").

Check it out, after the break.

I Saw the Kiss by Michael Sam. It Made Me Mad. He Kissed a Man!

By Peter LaBarbera

I saw the kiss by Michael Sam..
It made me mad-he kissed a man!

That's something I don't want to see
It's wrong, unnatural, and it's not just me.

Many now say, "Homosexuality is OK."
But God says there's a better way.

He made men for women, and women for men.
So why are "gays" so prideful then?

Please, no public same-sex kisses, Michael Sam.
We don't want to see this man-on-man!

Not in a boat, not in a car
This public perversion goes too far!

Not in the store or on a bus
This same-sex stuff, it brings disgust.

Not at the movies or on TV
It's wrong, unnatural, can't you see?!

I don't want my kids to think it's right
So please, please, keep it out of sight!

Why is it always in our faces?
This sin-celebrated in so many places?

Even at football and baseball games
We have to pretend homosexuality's the same.

Young kids exposed to same-sex acts,
When parents just wanna' have fun and relax.

"Well," said Michael Sam, "let me ask you this:
"Do you get mad when men and women kiss?!"

Man and woman, that's Nature's way.
As long as there's not too much PDA.

"But can't you see, it's who I am?!
"I'm gay, accept me!" begged Michael Sam.

I disagree-it's not who you are, it's what you do.
Hey, haven't you had a girlfriend or two?

Yes, but this is now and that was then.
My "sexual orientation"...hey, it's towards men!

No, Michael Sam insisted, I'm gay.
Can't you see I was born that way?

Why must you hate gays like me?
"Hate?" I said. "I don't hate you, I just disagree!"

You already changed from straight to perverse.
Why can't the process work in reverse?

Many like you once thought they were that way.
But they left homosexuality behind and are now EX-gay!

Men like DL Foster and Stephen Black
Who lived as "gay" for years but then turned back.

And EX-lesbians, too, like Charlene Cothran.
Have left the "gay" life to follow God's plan.

Besides, homosexuality's not safe; you should see...
The alarming stats on MSM [men who have sex with men] from the CDC.

Almost every case of young male HIV
Is linked to the practice of gay sodomy.

Sure, the PC sports writers will all say
They couldn't be happier that you're "gay"

Some have compared you with the great 42.
But he broke the color barrier;
Homosexuality's just a sin people DO!

I do not mean to pick a fight
When I say most Blacks don't think homosexuality's a "civil right."

Far from a "right," Michael. In fact, it's wrong.
Must I put this in a song?

Michael shot back: "Not wrong at all, it's who I am!
"I'm gay. My name is Michael Sam."

"God made me black and blessed me with gayness."
Blessed you?! Then why are so many diseases linked to "sex" in the anus?

No, God made you black-not 'gay,'" said I.
"You've chosen to believe a lie!"

You can't change your skin color, that's a fact.
But homosexuality? That's only an act.

And conduct we don't want to see-at all!
Not on a train, or at the mall.

Not at the beach or in the gym.
Don't be a poster boy for sexual sin!

We don't want to see your "gay" kisses.
God's ideal for sex and love homosexuality misses.

But I will pray for you, Michael Sam.
I'll pray to the One who told Moses, "I AM WHO AM."

If you believe in Jesus and turn from your sin,
Behold God's kingdom: He'll welcome you in!

Just remember, it's God, not man, we answer to.
And He's prepared a virtuous path for you.

No, He can't bless your same-sex behavior.
But He'll give you an "abundant life" with the Savior.

And no "hate" here-just God's people's love for the lost.
A price was paid for my sins and yours, at great cost.

Thanks for the chat,
I hope you see...

That you and I can disagree
Without me hating you, or you hating me.

Image credit: Roxanna Woloshyn/CBC.

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